It was good to hear from all of you so far! Hope others will jump in... I would like to hear from others that have been Retro vets for a little while now.
Lamont and Invisible Wife, my heart goes out to you both because I know what the pain is like. Stay positive, work on you and don't let things like divorce papers get in your way. At our last Retro follow-up there was a couple there who had been physically separated for three years, each living in their own home.... and they managed to come full circle. I know, from experience, that it may not happen this way for everyone (my first marriage ended in divorce), but a change of heart can occur even after a D has been finalized. If nothing else, you can become better friends to your spouses.
Johnswife and GG - I really appreciated your comments about the positive changes that came out of your Retro weekend. I too wonder how often the old timers really do dialogue... I can see a couple of times a week just to make sure you stay connected. For us for right now we're going to be diligent because we have so much building up that needs to be done. GG - you mean to tell me that some men actually go out and pay money for flowers and bring them home to their wives? They're not just meant to be toiled over in ones own garden??? Gasp! Someone talk to my H!!
Teresa - I was glad to hear from you. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change your H now, and I know that you know that. So take care of improving you.... don't let him hear anything negative from you. When you need to vent, turn to a trusted friend, but with him, nothing but positve, cheerful stuff. Detach. It may not work, but what have you got to lose?
My H got upset the other night when our 16 y.o. lied to me. H wants to continue to withhold permission for son to get a driver's permit. He wanted to dialogue on the issue the other night using an angrily worded question that he wrote out while he was still hot under the collar, but because we're only two weeks out from Retro, I told him I'd rather not yet. I kind of felt like he wanted to use the dialogue to really let me have it, and I didn't want to spoil the good that has come from it so far. Instead, we waited 24 hours and talked a little about it, then we carefully worded a question for our son to write a letter to us, and we have written letters to our son about our concerns for him. We will all try to sit down tonight to talk it all out.
The big thing for me at this point is the waiting.... waiting to see if H will slide back into his old ways. I'm fighting that negative feeling by trying to concentrate on continuing to work on me. H is starting to get complacent, but instead of reacting, I'm just going to distance a bit and be happy doing some things I've meant to do.
