If you've read Harley closely, you know that he advises people to LEAVE THEIR JOBS AND EVEN THE STATE THEY LIVE IN if it is the only way to get away from their other person. As long as your OM is around, your objectives about your marriage will never be clear. Your H won't have a fighting chance.
It's SIMPLY NOT TRUE that your H can't meet your needs. You are putting him in a box and trapping him with your low expectations. It might, however, be true that he doesn't WANT to meet your needs. Give him a chance! Tell him very specifically what you want and how you want him to do it. (Harley's books are great guidelines.) But be sure you are not asking of him things that no one can deliver--endless fun, romance, and excitement.
I sense that those are in fact things you are looking for. To save your marriage, if that is what you want, you will not only have to get the OM the hell ot of your life NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES, you will have to get realistic about what marriage can provide. That takes some soul searching. When you get real with yourself about what marriage can provide, give your H a chance!
Remember, you will never be happy inside marriage until you are happy inside yourself. And I suspect that even if you married the OM, you'd find yourself back where you are right now after a time.
Get real with yourself, Jane. Don't cheat yourself and others who depend on you of what is available to you in this life.
