Below are some links to previous posts on my sitch. Just wondering if anyone has ever experienced what I am seeing right now or maybe has some insight into it.
Over the past week the small displays of affection and ILY's have become fewer. She was consistant with these actions for almost 2 months and suddenly a change. Initially she reacted to my changes very skeptically and acknowledged them, which I saw as a good sign of challenging her core beliefs. Lately she seems more accepting of my changes and asks for help more. When she does ask I attend to it right away. With that said and her seemingly increased distance from me would anyone say that possibly this is a sign of her starting to come around or a sign that my methods may be backfiring??
Just keep doing what you're doing, is my advice. If the changes you have made in yourself are sincere, for you (not just to please W or save the M), and really address issues in the M--then you should practice it regardless. Keep on plugging away.
Detach from her moods or level of efforts. For a little bit, why not stop counting her actions (ILY's, etc) and just stick with counting your efforts...sometimes it can drive us crazy.
Remember, she's going through a LOT of emotions right now, possibly guilt, regret, confusion. She'll bounce all over the place, but it has no bearing on the man that you now are, or your love for each other. It's just a tough time.
Don't panic. Stay calm. Keep on doing what you were. As DB states, change what you do if it's not working....by the same token, stay with what you're doing if it IS working.
I have a similar sitch (my thread is here in Piecing), where my detachment was working...H started to see the changes and really opened himself up to me again. Then, in a bizarre twist of events, we decided for more space and I moved out for 2 weeks and he is now gone for 2 weeks. During my move out (though it was mutual and very encouraged by him), H REALLY withdrew, was rude and pushed me away in ways. Could be him facing his pain again from M. Also, I think it's guilt and waking up to the mess he created from an A. Coming to terms with your own mess is hard. Also, to see sudden changes and perfection from your S can be frustrating (why didn't you do this before) and also make one feel inadequate....they are suddenly so good now and you also had a lot to change (are you good enough for the new spouse?).
Well, my rambling thoughts, just to say, keep up what you're doing. Sometimes we get so caught up in feeling like this is a 'game' and changing strategies, etc. In the end, make the right changes for you to be a better person a person you like. The rest will come.
Give her some space to process. This isn't a smooth process...who knows, months from now, it might be you with rocky emotions.
