Yes, I understand that affairs are an addiction. I know I am addicted to OM. I know that OM will be the death of me, that I will love him always, that if he was to leave his wife I would go with him… it doesn't matter. I am trying to remove OM from my life but we do work for the same company. I cannot afford to just up and quit my job. H and I have discussed the possibilities of my seeking another but there are a lot of variables (current school schedule, his job, future college plans, S school). H is aware of communication OM sends to me and stated that I could provide generic reply. I am trying to put Harley's requirements into practice as much as I possibly can with the state we are in.
I know H needs to meet my needs. I have tried to get him to meet them but as I've posted earlier I do not trust him in that he will change to meet my needs. My question I have to ask myself is am I willing to be happy with the fact that he will not meet the needs.
The decision of wanting my marriage I am asking myself. H and I expected me to leave when S was leaving the nest. Now that I've done it earlier, I need to analysis why am I going back, will I do it again, is it fair to H, am I looking for excuses. I don't know.
