I am well aware that my H is a loving and forgiving, thank you for noticing. There have been numerous times that I felt I did not deserve him.
Jenny stated to develop my self esteem. My being active is a part of my self esteem but yet others criticize me for being so active. I have been there for H. I try to satisfy his needs. I believe the ones I do not satisfy completely are the communication and affection. Up until the affair we did not talk about OR or our feelings but we could always talk about anything else. I am trying to change this but it is difficult. It is difficult to be honest with H. I never feel like I live up to his standards. As for the affection, I'm sorry but that is related to the attractive need that I have. I am trying to be more affectionate to him. Please don't get me wrong we do have an active sex life. H had accepted that I am not one for closeness, holding hands, or kissing.
Thanks for the input. I would like to consider myself open for all opinions. I might get defensive but that is a natural impulse. I am not trying to justify the affair, my actions or lack of actions. I am trying to analysis whether or not to continue with my marriage or let H find a W that will love him just the way he is. Funny how I say that I'm not satisfied with the way he is yet I believe I contributed to who he is through our interactions.
Each of us has room for improvements. I know I have faults and yes I would like to change them. Rondo is accurate in his comment that it is difficult to change ingrained behavior. My problem is that I fear the results too. What if I change and H or I don't like it? What if H changes? The unknown is frightening.
