When I started school full time, I gave up the time I spent with my horse. Prior to going back to school I would come home, change to ranch closes, and leave until after dark. H would fix dinner and stay with son. I consider myself an active person. Neither H nor son are active. With son, I've pushed him into sports and activities. Although he does them he would rather not so he doesn't put a lot of effort into so he doesn't succeed. With H, I've tried to get him to do things with me (softball, riding, weight training, running). He will do things for a while but then makes excuses to quit. Now I have no trust in H that he will change in this regard. He tells me I need to accept him the way he is. This leads to my desire for an attractive spouse. H is not obese but is overweight.
With giving up my horse time I gave up a big physical release. I started putting more into my weight training and running to relieve my tension. I became more sexually appealing and started dressing as so. This bothered H but by that time the affair was already starting and I was shutting him out.
I would take care of the domestic needs in the house. H had to cook on days that I left. Even then I would sometimes put the meal in the oven and set the timer so all that he would have to do was pull it out and serve. On the weekends he would help me clean the house but it was primarily my responsibility. I would do the shopping and paid the bills. We would do the yard work together but again with my lead. Since there isn't much of a yard in our condo, we would also help friends with their projects [at my instigating]. While I was living out of the house I would come over and still clean it.
We do a lot of things together [as a family]. It is a matter of giving and taking rather than enjoying though. H and son enjoys movies, dining, museums, etc. but I enjoy active things. It is family tradition that we go out to dinner on Fridays and either rent or go to a movie. I'll admit I probably to more taking than giving. Since early on in our relationship I declined to do the things he wanted, he quit asking. Now I am the one who leads in what we do primarily. I'll ask him what he wants to do but usually he doesn't have any desires [or at least he doesn't express them] so we do what I want. If there is nothing going on, I'd go to my horse and the boys would stay home.
We have talked about the fact that I need to be active. He agrees that he is more inclined to be lazy but that I am his motivation. I'll admit this is tiring at times as my lack of trust shows. With us trying to reconcile, I'm concern about being active. School has started back up and I need to prepare for a physical test for the military which requires me to work out but I'm a little intimidated because of the ramifications.
