Hi Chelsea, thanks for your enquiry and kind words and sorry it has taken me so long to reply.
I'd like to say things are going great but this past week I have found my frustration and critisim have started flowing again. Attitudes and behaviour seem to have been reverting backwards and my intolerance is showing. Basically he says he loves me but doesn't put it into action. Things have been very busy and tiring, we've been moving house and dealing with all the things to be sorted in the new one. But OR has been shoved on the back burner and everything else takes precedence. That leaves me feeling very unloved and unimportant.
Last night was a prime example. I won't mention the lots of things that went on to really make me angry but we were supposed to be going out. We haven't been out in ages and I was, and assume he was, looking forward to it. However there were other things that had to be done that night as well. The upshot was that he gave them priority and it became too late for us to go out. He got everything done that he wanted to do and took as long as he wanted over them all and I ended up the loser. As far as I'm concerned, he should have thought about it, sorted out the timings and made sure that our night out happened. And he has not a clue as to why I'm upset and ticked off about it all. All I get is a question, "why are you ticked off?"
It wears me down that he cannot do the thinking for himself. The whole evening could have been done differently with everything getting done and everyone happy and I really don't think I should have to point that out to him. It didn't come under discussion, we just did everything his way.
We really needed that night out as he left today and will only be home for about 8 days split into two lots over the next two months.
He wants to stay married, he loves me but he thins everything should be fine without any effort in any direction as far as our relationship is concerned. When I ask him how he's changed I get a list of negatives, I don't do this any more or I don't do that any more. And he thinks that should make a huge difference. His litmus test for things being good between us is that we don't fight any more. I find it very difficult to see where the progress is in that, it's simply a status quo.
He stared off quite well, was reading DB and realising that if he dealt with people differently, it had a different outcome and a more pleasing outcome for all concerned. He tried it out at work and was quite amazed at the result. However, it didn't translate back to us and he soon became distracted with all the other things going on in his life and our life and just didn't bother to do any mroe thinking or put in any more effort.
Right now I'm feeling very fed up and very tired of hauling him back on track. He wouldn't dream of treating his job or the people he works with this way, so why is he doing it to me and to us. How can he love me and treat me and us with such indifference.
All his controlling behaviour is back all his denial about his own behaviour is back. Quite frankly, I don't know what to do next. He obviously didn't take the soul searching on board, he isn't putting in the effort to be the person that makes him happy. He doesn't love himself therefore he doesn't know how to love me. He takes it all from me but doesn't give it back. I've said all this before and this far down the line, here I am saying it all again.
His idea of letting go of the past is forgetting any of it every happened and carrying on as usual, no real changes required. I don't want to drop a brick on his head, more like a mountain.
Sorry for moaning, but my mood is not good tonight and PMA is in hibernation.
