Run with me through rows of Speeding Cars

[believing_isaiah43]

Cat, you are ON it, Doggone it (as we say here in the south). Excellent post re: the hole we keep falling in re: the A.

What you focus on, expands.

I read that here somewhere over the months and have not forgotten it, b/c it's TRUE.

It's also true that when we bring up the OW to clarify something or want to understand a word/gesture/what-the-F-ever, that the spouse (the truly remorseful spouse, that is), is horrified to talk about it (but will) and then they feel farther apart from us b/c they are racked with guilt all over again. As my H said recently, whenever he thinks about the A/OW, he is ashamed.

I keep thinking he might be missing her, or something about her (gosh, the way she smelled, even. something small), but he is ashamed. says he won't even let himself 'go there' when thinking about her. It's my issue that I wonder at times if he does 'go there', or if he ever will 'go there' again. I pray not, but I also know that I have to LET IT GO and throw myself wholly in this R/M like never before. And if he F's me over again, I'm still a better person for having made the leap. Sounds against logic, but it's how I feel.

Hamster Update: Ya'll don't know this rodent. She is the Superhero of all hammies. She has escaped numerous times, fallen twice (TWICE!) down an 11 foot chimney opening. We've had to rescue her twice (TWICE!) from that depth thru a little tiny hole at the back of the fireplace (think mini gurney made of juice box and twine, a flashlight the only illumination, and HOURS cramped in a hunched position in the fireplace). Broken foot the first time, bloody head the 2nd. The vet is amazed at her. And she recovered fully both times.
Anyway, she's a kamikaze hamster, and is still alive. Even looked to be sleeping somewhat normally during the night. I still think she's at the end, but my H says he won't believe she's dying until she's really gone.

Jacqm, I also think your post was DEAD ON about giving that helaing thing to God, that my ICK with getting over this A needs to be mosty between me and God to get healed, and the actual M itself is what is between H & I (and God too). We're screaming headlong into PMS week, so we'll see how this resolve holds up, but my now-logical brain accepts that as good advice!

On an interesting note. I posted a long essay on my blog last night (much of it re-heated from here) about my past and how it affected my R, and H left me a comment! His first comment words were "Real and Honest" - which is something he never thought I was much of, so that was encouraging.