Run with me through rows of Speeding Cars

[cat03]

I'm sorry about your pet, it is so hard on the little ones, my ds also cried for days (and I with him) when his froggy died, oh, it broke my heart seeing him cry. Hugs))) hope she is dealing with it better today.

Wanted to share something with everygone, (BI, you'll like this, it involves lyrics ) as my H and I were driving this song came up, and he said "I could've written this song" as I read the lyrics today I can see how many WAS feel exactly this way:
BLUE OCTOBER LYRICS

Hate Me


I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so [censored] far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

Had another backstep with H yesterday, about some damn thing I read from an old note of his to her. I can see now that when I bring old stuff up because I want to be clear about something all he sees is that I'm trying to drag him through the mud and make him miserable, that is not what I'm trying do do but that's how it comes up, please learn from my mistakes. I ended up leaving him a note (I never do that) I actually wrote down what BI said on one post "I hurt because i want what you freely gave her". I just had to get it out of my chest, want him to know I didnt' mean to make him feel guilty, just so he'll know that I miss his love and that somedays I'm running on empty.

I put this images on my head whenever I try to think and remember and do reconstructions about him and OP: me digging a hole in the ground through a thorn bush, ripping my skin and bleeding as I try to dip up something that should stay dead and buried. BI, you mentioned this imagery before, having this two dogs, the good and the bad, when I envisioned OP and stuff they did I imagen myself giving the bad dog a juicy steak just when it was about to die.

Let's try to block those thoughts until our brain stops going down that path, let's think of all the good things that could and will happen down the road instead of poisoning ourselves anymore.

By reliving the past we make it the present, it isn't, and if we dont stop that's the way we will always think, we dont' want that do we?