I don't care how far you are along the road away from the A, pain can suddenly fall on you from a great height. I'm driving home from work yesterday, and -BAM!- there's the physical pain in my chest (that tightness) from During The A. Like my body has a memory and re-lives how it felt during that time, with no warning.
Made me want to stop the car, give into the feeling and just cry. Didn't, but almost.
Weird. Unsettling. Etc.
I get frustrated when that happens, and suddenly dissatisfied with the way my life is playing out with H, compared to the A and how he was in it. Yes, yes, I know all the logic, but fcuk. It hurts. I want what he gave to her. I always have, and there it was, pouring out for someone else.
H & I were emailing last night late while he was in his office working, and I initiated it, and he gave me nice but short replies, and I kept thinking how much I crave his attention and checking my inbox for a few sentences, when he gave her fcuking NOVELS in his correspondence to her. YES, I AM ILLOGICAL TODAY. I have the man at home in my house, in my marriage, etc. and part of me just wishes I was having an A with him instead. I am certifiable.
If you're crazy and you know it, clap your hands ::clap, clap::
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
