Thanks StevieRay for replying. It's been over 24 hours since I discovered this email, and that's like a CENTURY in Drama-Queen Standard Time for NOT bringing up something that freaks me out. And as simplistic and cliched as this sounds, it really DID help to sit on it for this time.
I honestly don't think I have ever EVER sat on a concern of any sort this long in my entire marriage, but always ran out of the gate pell-mell, tethered to my wild emotions like a rodeo bullrider. This is a 180 for me right now, whether or not H realizes it. I can't believe how much more perspective I have and am so much calmer. I realize I must sound like a Kindergartener just recognizing their first word on paper, to some of you but I am dumbfounded that it really did work to sit on an issue and let it deflate some of the panic in it. You just have no idea.
Anyway, I still debate whether to bring it up, but it's not half as urgent as it seemed last night. Will still do my "random drug screens" on the email, and make decisions as we go (after this new and exciting cooling-down period I've just discovered!! perhaps you've heard of it?)
This, I hope, was both a test and a turning point for me to learn that emotions don't have to rule my life, and I'm not a doormat if I am quiet on a concern while I mull it over. And that while I am thinking about a potential problem/hurtful thing, I can still treat my H well and be nice, not the P/A bee-itch that I have been in the past.
Still would appreciate any opinions of this email situation, and your opinion on what you would do if you were me. Is there more than one person reading my thread? Pretty please?
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
