Run with me through rows of Speeding Cars

[believing_isaiah43]

I love ya'll madly. thanks for hanging in. I wish I knew what the deep end looks like, or even how to find it. I was thinking yesterday that I have even longer to go than I initially thought. H & I were having a discussion about renovating the basement, and I got defensive about his suggestions and was trying not to be, and to put my feelings into words and it was such a struggle! I had this knot in my chest and couldn't define what the feeling was, or how to explain it. ugh. I realized that if I'm not mad as hell, hurt, or really excited about something, I have no idea what I'm feeling. Can I go back to 'Go' and collect $200, b/c I really want a Mulligan on this life. But I did struggle to half-a$$ explain myself and later emailed H to thank him "for taking the time to listen to me stumble thru my thoughts when you had a lot to get done."
And he replied "Thanks for sharing your feelings. I need that..."

So I'm trying, but oh to be back in May and not ride this ship to the bottom of the ocean like we did. Still no physical affection, doesn't even hug me when he comes to bed anymore. I think he's got to ramp himself back up to look positively upon me again. Ick. Working on the GAL thing, but it's a fine line for us b/c we lived very separate lives pre-bomb so that's not really a 180 in our M. I need to lovingly detach more than just GAL, and yet be available. It's like dancing on the head of a pin.

Anyway, been a while since you had some lyrics from me, so here's a Nickel Creek song I've discovered recently on the iPod shuffle:

I wish you out of the woods
And into the picture with me.
I wish you over the moon,
Come out of the question and be.

If this going to
Run round in my head,
I might as well be dreaming.
Run round in my head

I rollercoaster for you.
Time out of mind
Must be heavenly.
It's all enchanted and wild,
It's just like my heart said
It was going to be.