Run with me through rows of Speeding Cars

[Walking]

Believing your posts are beautifully written and convey the anguish we feel as we travel this surprising journey - but it's done.

It's happened, there is nothing you can do about it now. It is over. Your husband is home. You are in a position that many on this board would envy and yet you seem to let the negatives outweigh the positives of your sitch.

The questions I think you should ask yourself and seek answers to here on this board are

1. What did I contribute to this crisis (you can only ask and answer that about yourself because you don't have any control over anyone else - even your H)
2. What can I do rebuild my life and/or marriage
3. What are the deal breakers for me.

You have mentioned several times that there was limited passion in your marriage. Is that going to be a big enough issue in the future for you to become so dissatisfied with your marriage that you become a WAW? Or is there something you can do to address that now.

You've mentioned that you have problems with letting people get too close to you - including your husband - what can you do to change or remedy that?

My prayer is to LIVE now, from now on, CORRECTLY and REAL. To work it out - to have GOD WORK THROUGH ME. Finally, to live OPEN and unzipped. Yes, that scares me. But never changing is scary too. To live more of THIS, reaping more of the same? NOT. NOT. NOT. CAN'T. WON'T. PLEASE GOD NOT MORE OF THIS INTERNAL LIFE. Open the inner & clean it out for You. for my family.

How are you addressing this important observation you made about yourself?

So how do you finally change from what you are when you are ready to do it? When you don't know how to, how do you do it? I know I want to change, I am ready to walk out of this fog and struggle with being who God intended me to be. What I do NOT know is HOW. STEPS. The DAILY. HOURLY. WHAT TO DO. What NOT to do. I am LOST and lonely. I need His grace to be sufficient.

That is so powerful - "I know I want to change" that my friend is your first step.

The steps - are first and foremost KNOW that you can change. Stop sabotaging yourself by ending sentences "What NOT to do. I am LOST and lonely. " Turn it around and say to yourself "I have all the answers within me, God has given me all the answers I need to be the woman I want to be".

Have you had any individual counselling? Read any books? I think I recommended "You can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay - I can't recommend it highly enough.

There are lots and lots of resources out there to help you change/heal when you want to. It's not hard work Believing - it's an exciting journey, it doesn't have to take a long time - it's simply a decision.

Believe that and you can do it.