I have to admit straightaway that I have thought about this all day and don't seem to get a handhold on it. Three things that I would like to achieve in my marriage.
I would very much like him to treat me at least as well as he does other people. I would like him to be interested in me, who I am and how I feel about everything and anything. I need him to initiate talking that isn't about him or his job or other people, but is about me, him and us. And I need him to listen and really absorb what I say about my feelings.
There are a lot of issues in that one area.
1. Making me feel my feelings are important to him. 2. Respect for me and what I say. 3. Him remembering the feelings I talk about and taking care of them because that's an important thing for him to do. 4. Him getting defensive - and that's not because I'm attacking or criticising, it's because he doesn't deal with feelings, especially mine. 5. Him looking for the problem and trying to fix it by telling me how I should feel. 6. Him telling me that I shouldn't feel what I feel, that I'm wrong to feel that way. 7. The subject being changed to something he wants to say about something I've done that he doesn't like.
Finances - I would like him to take more responsibility over the finances and the budget by:
1. Making a permanent record of what has to go out every month and when. 2. Paying bills on time. 3. Dealing with problems up front so that we can plan a solution. 4. Talking about it - NO SURPRISES. 5. Talking and planning it so that I don't have to get a job to make up for the shortfalls due to bad planning.
Togetherness -
I would like us to do and enjoy doing more things together by:
1. One night a week doing one thing together that he wants to do and one night a week doing one thing that I want to do together. 2. Spend 3 nights a week with the TV totally off, no computers allowed and do something else that's fun. 3. Exercise together with nobody being boss.
I have a feeling that I may be way off base here because this somehow was very hard. Maybe I'm being too general and not really specific. Well, this is my first attempt so I'll wait and see what you say and realign myself accordingly.
