Here is my sitch. All advice welcome

[grasshopper]

My W is so stubborn and pridefull that I don't think the R will ever get talked about unless I bring it up, which a haven't. I am trying show my strengh and just be friendly when we are together. About the only thing we talk about these days are the kids and money. We haven't talked about the relationship in 3 weeks I'll be ya.

We ALL think this but you know what, we also all think that just because we aren't talking about it, they aren't THINKING about it. That's just wrong. They ARE thinking about it but the bad part for you is that you don't know WHAT she's thinking about, right? Well, that's part of the learning curve. You have to learn to accept that you CAN'T know everything and yet you still have to live your life based on what you DO know, which is mainly how YOU feel and what YOU want.

GH

[Hanging__On]

Your righ GH. I just can't help but think she decided a long time ago that she wanted out of this marraige and now istead of faceing that fact she is just dragging it out longer. Her parents are pretty upset with what she has done. They are also putting a lot of pressure on her to get it straigned out. We talked about divorce quit abit after I first found out but I told her all along that I only loved her and and didn't want no one else. I feel like she has just shut me off completely to be with this OM but I don't know that for sure. I almost feel like she is just doing what her parents are asking of her, just to please them and make them think she is trying. I could be all wrong here but I don't think so. We live in a small town so news travels pretty quick. We both have lived here since we born and we know a lot of people as well. My W's mom was also a multiple cheater and my W dad thinks in runs in the family. It is hard to beleive that my W did this because she hated the fact that it tore her family apart. I guess I trusted her blindly. Amazing is all I can say.

[Hanging__On]

Nothing new going gong on today. My W has the kids for the weekend so I am trying to stay busy. Last night I went and played in a poker tournament and then had to go into work after that. Tonight I am going out with a fried to have a beer. I am not usually a bar type person but i figured it would get me out of the house. I am working at GAL but I would rather stay at home and watch a movie with my family. I guess that is not going to happen anytime soon. I hope everyone has a good weekend. I will check back often.

[Hanging__On]

Made it through the weekend,but not without creating more turmoil in my sitch. As I mentioned erlier I went to the bar Saturday night with a buddy. As the night was wearing down I met a woman and ended up doing some things that I should not have done. Now I feel like crap. In my eyes I am no better than my W. I realize that I was in a vulnerable emotional state and feeling lonely but now I feel like such a pile of crud.

[grasshopper]

Man, I don't really know what to say. I would love to say I thought it was ok, but I don't. That said, I think you have to find a way to get past this and NOT LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN until you are ready to have your marriage be over.

So, I guess for now, I would keep this to yourself. The best thing I can say is that you need to realize, RIGHT NOW that you are fully in control of your life and this did not "just happen" to you. You made this decision and you can just as easily make other decisions...start doing that.

BTW, what "things" did you do? Things that would constitute a "PA" if it were your W?

Again, I am sorry. I really wish you didn't do this, mainly because of the pain I think it is causing YOU, something you don't need more of right now. Please, in the future, like I said, realize that no matter how lonely and "vulnerable" you feel, you are always able to make a choice that reflects your long-term goals, not your short-term feelings.

GH

[doug01]

I made the same mistakes in my 1st D. People can argue self restraint. But I say, just do go to bars where this can happen.

[grasshopper]

"do" or "don't" go to those bars? I think you meant "don't go the those bars", right?

GH

[Hanging__On]

Well lets say I did enough that I would not consider it OK for a married man to do. I just thought I had more control than that. I am very dissapointed in myself. This is just the lowest of lows.

[doug01]

freudian slip! no, just a type-o.

Everyone loves to beat up on us when we fall. Nobody is better at it than ourselves. Our Rev said the Lord does not only see when you fall.... He acknowledges how long you were standing before you fell, and what you did with yourself when you got up.

[Hanging__On]

Wow. That is so true Doug. I think the line has finally been crossed. I am no longer holding myself to be better standard than my W because I know that mistakes can be made. We are all human and therefor not perfect. I am no longer a better person than anyone. I can't even stand up to my own morals that I beleived I had. I have screwed up beyond repair. After serveral weeks of not talking about the R, I told her in a letter how I really felt about our marraige and that I don't think we can ever get through the pain and suffering we have both endured during our time together. We are supposed to get together at some point today to discuss this change of events. I realize now that people don't have to settle and try to just exist. Life should be fun and exciting. Why fight for a marraige that neither one of us want.I still love my W will all my heart but I don't think either one of us will be happy again with our marraige. I am giving up on us. I can't see us ever growing old together anymore.