Here is my sitch. All advice welcome

[Hanging__On]

Good morning all. Thanks HH for your words of encouragnent. Having people here that understand what I am going through really help. Well last night was pretty rough. My D5 kept asking the W to go camping. W's response is that she does not feel comfortable. The response does not hold water though. The people that we are going camping with have all continued to be part of our lives the last couple of months. I can really see that this is affecting the W. Last night she said ILY on her own. This morning she gave me a hug and a kiss before she left the house for work. She started to cry as she left the house.

Since I am headed to the woods to camping for the next 5 days I think she is feeling pretty bad about not being a part of the tradition we have. I beleive she will be up to no good while I am gone so that is going to be on my mind the whole time. I just pray that the Lord will get us through this horrific experience, and give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change.

[grasshopper]

Since I am headed to the woods to camping for the next 5 days I think she is feeling pretty bad about not being a part of the tradition we have. I believe she will be up to no good while I am gone so that is going to be on my mind the whole time. I just pray that the Lord will get us through this horrific experience, and give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change.

Ah, the LBS prayer, lol. Anyway, YOU DON'T KNOW what she's going to be "up" to when you are gone so stop thinking you do, or if you MUST be consumed by these thoughts, allow yourself to think too that she MAY be racked with guilt the whole time and be totally unable to enjoy being "up to no good". OR she may just take some time to herself, something she may be in need of even though you may think she's had a bunch of that lately, and will take the time to really mull things over. The fact is, and especially since you are now seeing signs that she is softening up a bit (Last night she said ILY on her own. This morning she gave me a hug and a kiss before she left the house for work. She started to cry as she left the house.) you don't know what this time will bring out in her. It COULD give her time to move out and have the time of her life OR it COULD give her the time and space she really needs to sort some things out. YOU JUST DON'T KNOW so getting all worked up, or hyped up over the good/bad possibilities is pointless. Have neither fear nor hope. As the prayer says, ACCEPT that which you cannot change and by accepting it, that means have a GREAT time with your kids and friends and let yourself be absorbed into the moments that you will share with them and release yourself from the hold of your sitch.

Remember, you will only spend the next 5 days thinking about it if YOU choose to. It's all up to you whether you want to choose to be happy(ish) or miserable. Choose the happiness, at least for a few days.

GH

[Hanging__On]

Thanks GH. You are right. I need to enjoy the time I have with the kids and try not to think about all the stuff going on. Easier said than done though. Thanks again for all the words of wisdom. I am trying to DB my butt off and get my life back in order. For this weekend I am going to choose happiness.

[grasshopper]

[Still_Standing]

Brother, I am with GH. What has helped my is to consciously change my thoughts about what my W is doing. Some would call that denial. I call it survival. Another quote that helps me to stay focused:

The jack-of-all trades is seldom good at any. Concentrate all of your efforts one definite chief aim. -NAPOLEON HILL

That's what I do to get me to put one foot in front of the other day after day without fail. My M and my family are of the utmost importance to me. And as WINSTON CHURCHILL said:

Never, never, never, never give up.

I am with you, brother; me, God, and all of your DB brothers and sisters. We are with you. Lean on us. Let us support you with strength, encouragement, insight, perspective, perseverence, and stamina. You focus on doing what is right. Right is right, no matter how you look at it.

[Hanging__On]

Well, I made it through the weekend. I had some up and downs and today has been the hardest day of my life. I walked through the front dorr of the house with my D5 and D2 and the house seemed empty. She actually moved. I guess I new she was going to but actually seeing it with my own eyes was very hard.

She left me everything we talked about so I don't have any room to complain. Pictures off the walls and furniture gone just seems more that I can bear. I gave the girls a bath before I called the W and they were happy that I got them new beds for their rooms.

As I sit here and type, I am sick to stomach and I feel empty.

Anyway the W came and picked up the girls for our first exchange of many I predict. She was very friendly and showed some sadness as she came in the house. I could hardly contain myself as I cried some. Then we both cried and gave each other a hug. I just feel devestated that our once solid rock marraige has turned to such a mess. I loved this woman my whole adult life. I am sure you DB's will get tired of me posting now that I have so much time on my hands but I am looking for some serious guidance. The pain is unbelivable.

Sorry I am jumping around so much I just can't seem to concentrate on one topic.

She asked me to go to dineer tonight and I accepted. Mainly because I want to be with the girls, but I have missed her tremendsely the last 5 days. I am not sure if I am supposed to go or not so right now I am going. Thanks for letting me rant a bit. I am just Hanging_On by a thread.

[Still_Standing]

No one will get tired of your posting. Least of all me. I find posting to be therapeutic. Plus, it's less expensive than going to my regular counselor and I think I get more out of this. Keep posting. Keep the faith. Be strong. As Teddy Roosevelt said:

Do what you can, with what you have, where your are.

Work on YOU. Be the man God intended for you to be.

Also, remember that:

Effort only releases its reward after a person refuses to quit. --NAPOLEON HILL

Keep fighting the good fight. You have no higher purpose than to work to save your M and to preserve your family. I am praying for you.

[Hanging__On]

Good morning all. Well I slept alone last night with an empty house. Not much fun at all. I tried watching some TV to pass the time and keep my mind off of things, but it did not help much. I called my girls to tell them goodnight and that I loved them very much. I only talked to the W just a second.
I need some help on doing 180's I am not sure what to do. I want my W to notice changes me and to become curious again. I am just not sure how to do that.

I will say that the W went to a lot of effort to make sure the house looked good and the girls rooms looked very similar to what they used to have. All in all the place looked pretty much the same except for the back room wich was really empty. When I am in the house I have this horrible empty feeling. Every stich of clothing of the W is gone. It just really hard to imagine. I am in denyial I guess. I am just trying to stay strong but it is extremelly difficult.

[grasshopper]

Man, that must have been terrible, but you made it, and take pride in that. You seem to be doing REALLY well, and please, post early and often. As you can see, nobody posts much more than I do and I never really worry about it. A lot of times I am posting to keep a journal but it really does help, I think, for others to read because they can identify with the feelings and what I have experienced. I encourage you to post as much as you want but also, get out and do the GAL thing.

I think it was fine to go to dinner with W. You will know when you need to back off. Right now, if she initiates, I would say go for it but HAVE NO EXPECTATIONS and don't push any agenda, especially her moving back. Show her that you accept the situation (not that you like it) and that you are capable of moving forward.

You post, I read...deal?

GH

[doug01]

I'm here reading as well. The empty space in the closet hits hard. Walking around in a daze unable to fully grip the sudden changes. I feel for you brother. Find something healthy to do on the nights when the kids are not around is the best advice I can give.