Well I am not sure where to start. I feel like I need someone to talk to about all the feeling that I am having and this seems like a great place to do it. My wife and I have been married for 11 years and been together for a total of 14. We were high school sweat hearts We have 2 beutiful daughters that are 5 and 2 years old. I am 31 and she is 30.
I found out about 4 months ago that my wife was having an affair. My D-day was on January 14,2006. I told her at the time that I was willing to try and forgive what has happened but I needed her to give me a 100% effort in trying. She told me that she did not know what she wanted and that she was confused. She said she loved me but was not in love with me anymore.

What I forgot to mention was that a year erlier I confronted her with the fact that I suspicioned something was going on with this other man. She assured me at the time that nothing was going and she would not hurt me in that way. I told her that I didn't think I could handle something like that if it was to ever happen.

Now hear we are a year later and I am dealing with this horrific pain that my wife has put me through. She told me that she has been unhappy for a long time and she saw this as chance to get out of the marraige, so she called this guy constantly. She told me that he did not want to be anything more that friends, but she kept after him until he gave into her. It lasted almost a full year according to her.

So for the last month I have been lurking on the DB site and trying to educate myself on what is going on in our marraige. I realize I was not meeting her EN, but at the same time she has not been meeting my EN for several years and I did not go outside the marriage for comfort. Everyone here seems to have been through some kind of conflict in their marraige like I am going through right now. I am hoping to get some insight from the folks that have had to deal with the same kind of issues.

We have been in marraige counseling since Jan.24 and have had several meetings together and one each by ourselves. The MC is currently trying to have us deal with our pain individually and has done nothing for our marraige. My wife has been making small improvements over the last month. She has told me she is sorry for the pain she has caused and that she wants to try and work out our problems, but does not think that we can. So for awhile now we have been just living as room mates with no affection of any sort. This is really begining to wear on me.

So about 4 weeks after d-day I am looking for a stalking hat to go outside and I found a large amount of money that she has been hiding from me. As you probably guessed she pretty much takes care of the bills while I bring home the checks, but in her defence she works three days a week. Anyway, I am wondering why she is hiding money unless she is planning on leaving. She told it was just in case she needed a place to stay if I kicked her out of the house. It may be understandable but from the beginning I told her that if she wanted to leave, I would help her get a place to stay use what money we had. So from my side of things there is no reason for her doing this. I am so frustrated. It is like she is not even the person I have lived with for the last 14 years. She has done things that she promised would never happen. She has always told me how much she loves me. If she loves me so much, how could she be so hurtfull to the one person that lover her more than anything. I feel like I want to much,to quick, but I just can't stand feeling so crummy all the time.

So after all this time of staying in the same house and trying deal with all this stuff, she has decided to move into her fathers rental house. She says there is to much tension between us and thinks we need to seperate. I told her that I thought it was a horrible idea and that it would make things hard to work on. She doesn't care at this point and doesn't feel like she has anything to work on in the marraige. Our life together is unraviling and I am trying to hold it all together.

Should I just let her leave the house and act as if there is nothing wrong with it ? I am trying to get myself back on my feet and GAL, but it is very difficult. I have started reading DR and DB. These books seem to give me hope for awhile and then I get down about the whole situation again.

Thanks for looking at my sitch, any advice would be welcomed.

Married 11 years, together 15 Two Daughters 6 and 2 D-day Jan.14 2006 Thread 1