Karen, I remember you well. I am so glad to hear of your good news. It IS hard work, isn't it? But I do think in the long run it is worth it. Although, even though my h has been more than a year, we still have our challenges. But, most days are good. I still have some trust issues that I am dealing with. Traveling with my job does help that a lot, because there sure isn't much I can do about anything, from such a distance, no control over anything----so that I must just let go and let God.
Cookie, I remember you, too. And I know what you mean by the images. Time really does help the images and memories to fade. Keep telling yourself how strong you are---so strong that you were able to rise above all that happened and that strength will keep you going.
Doing things for yourself helps a lot too. When I wasn't able to find suitable employment, I felt most vulnerable to history repeating itself. Now, that I have a good job and have met many new and interesting people, I no longer feel the "what-if-he-goes-off-the-deep-end-again?" scenario. If he does, I will simply go on without him. I know I can, and I know I will. And he knows it, too. Then, there's the matter of the kids who wouldn't be able to forgive him a second time. He would definitely lose them, and he knows it.
And losing me from his life will impact him a great deal more than losing him from my life would impact me. I don't mean to sound cocky, but the reality is I have the support system and the means to survive losing him. I found that out the last time. He does not have either, and he would lose the love and respect of his kids, too.
Try to keep in mind that the man who had the affair was not your husband. He was an alien who took up residence in your h's body. And try to separate those images from the man your h really is. Respond to the good things he does will lots of positive reinforcement and gratitude. And when those images pop up, try to tell yourself "That man was not my h."
I wish you the best.
Jenny, and all, Glad to hear things are going well. Hang in there. Drop me a line sometime, and I will write back.
