Real quick. Married 7 yrs. 5 months ago W says doesn't love me, etc. since then great coldness, complete absence of intimacy, some talk about separation but we still live together. 3 and 5 yr. old kids. W feels emotionally neglected for several years. She has been very angry (and not just at me) throughout this 5 months. Anyway, doing lots of dbing--180s, giving her space, no OR talk, etc.
In the last week, W has done things that make me think she wants to move forward. Tues she gave me a real kiss (first one this millenium), last few days she's been more engaged with the family, this AM she asked to go on a family trip to the beach and we all had a very good time. No romance or touching, but we had real fund as a family (which is sometimes difficult with a 3 & 5 yr. old). Anyway, I hope some experienced people will read this and suggest how I should proceed. I don't want to come on strong and scare her away, but if this is an opening, I want to take it. The difference in how she acts toward me is quite striking--way less meanness. What is the first steps in piecing a marriage back together?
I swear I am going through the same thing (no Kids) H is cold, but now since iv've been not cold but more happy about myself he has reacted please give me some more pointers thanks. I really love him
Not as exsperienced as some here. But one thing I would sugests is to keep up with what you have been doing. And maybe every now and then maybe sugest something simple like going to the beach, the park, minature golfing, a picnic. With the whole family. As not to push but to take a baby step with her.
As far as the intamacy thing. Let her come to you when she feels comfortable. Dont push it. With my H I told him completly that i would stop everything and if he wanted to be intamate I wouldnt be chasing him around any more. Well of coarse he didnt like that idea. So it changed his perspective. But i think that with your W. Maybe give her a tender touch or something like that. Not to push the issue. If she feels she needs a kiss by all means dont shy away from it. But dont force it either. I know it is a thin line to walk. But i say a tender touch maybe on the neck or the arm. To show affection but not too much. You know her better than all of us here. But those are some sugestions of a way to take a baby step with her. And say hey I care about you. So she doesnt feel she is making all the effort. Cause you dont want her at this point if she felt neglected before to feel well heck i always give him a kiss and he doesnt show it back unless i do.
So maybe reach for her hand when you are walking those kind of things. Just like you did when you were first dating. And everyone is afraid of taking it to far. Follow her lead but at the same time show her that you are open to her affection and want to show her with out pressure some too..
Thank you very much. It helps a whole lot. It is a very hard line trying to not push but not be too far away either. I will try the gentle touches and more family things like picnics and miniature golf. Thank you very much.
