Good analysis, cobra, of the potential pitfalls of mirroring (or active listening, as it's called in other places). Especially ineffective unless both people really show up.
The thing that I think is most valuable about the IMAGO approach is that it makes explicit the ways that our current relationships re-create sitch's with our earliest caregivers. This seems obvious to me (and I know it does to you), but when the idea was first floated on this board a couple of years ago, several people jumped up and down and said things like (NOT a direct quote): "Well, THAT doesn't apply to me. My parents were very happy, my dad/mom was not abusive, they loved me very much, ours was a perfectly happy/totally normal family-- I can't for the life of me figure out why I'm married to a(n) abuser/cold fish/control freak (choose one-- or ALL). But I KNOW my marriage is NOTHING like my FOO."
The IMAGO books put you through a process where you find out how you have indeed UNCONSCIOUSLY recreated your childhood sitch so you can work through those issues and heal them.
However, I agree that just knowing this stuff, or even just feeling empathy for your spouse/partner doesn't necessarily propel growth.
BTW, I went to an IMAGO therapist for a while when I first started dating my bf... but she died. I had another therapist while my H was alive (she was married to my H's therapist, the same man my bf has been seeing for C for ~ a year), and SHE died. And it's not just because I'm old-- both of these women were younger than I.
