hey cobra.

I remember you making a comment a few days ago about your wife not recognizing or dealing with the 'alpha male that we talk about around here' .... something like that at any rate.

<sigh, frustration. ugh> I would really love to have a IRL convo with you. maybe meet at the Flying Saucer, and have a couple pints of something scottish and bitter. at any rate, with your W's FOO, it takes a real man, a really strong guy to get done what you are trying to do. So Salud to you. Im really impressed. Youve done the brutal part of it, but instead of dissecting your post and pointing it out to you you are , Ill just say your doing top notch.

Youu may not see it yet from this perspective, or ever, but your getting it done. and its the results that matter.

some ideas, (that HP has been trying to get across to you too)

Our counselor mentioned to me once concerns about her obsessive-compulsive behavior. I am beginning to focus more on this too. not very differentiated. I see it as a major problem for her and how it affects the balance in all our lives. ok She obsesses over something to the exclusion of everything else and .........cracks. I have my suspicions about what drives her to do this, but my detachment from the whole affair may be the best approach for now. In other words, just let the natural consequences occur and don’t try to rescue her. YES! fantastic. how about setting some boundaries though so that it doesnt effect the rest of you? more on this in a sec...

I would like for W to understand how much stress she puts on herself and how she can drive herself crazy. If she could see this, I think she might realize how much she impacts the whole family when she gets overwhelmed and frustrated blech. focus on you, take care of your needs so that you can stay out of her messes.

HP gave a hint that I am going to strongly reiterate.

Quote:

Can you designate one room of the house for school stuff and she'd better keep the rest of it clutter free?




set this boundary. repeatedly without anger untill its accomplished. think about this and you will see how it is taking care of your needs and doing what needs to be done for the family. do you see potential conflict here? I sure do. Do it anyways. Does it seem needless to you? It doesnt to me. Its another opportunity to demonstrate strength( attractive), set boundaries( really sexy) and take care of you and your family (ooh.. the cherry on top).


about the quality time....

agree that W and I need to spend time together, go do things, find a common interest or hobby outside the kids. I have realized this for a long time and even years ago tried to suggest different things. She was open to the idea, but never followed through

Figure out some common interests that you and your wife have. Try things that are new to both of you.
and then YOU set a time and date for it.

This is not an acceptable excuse... She was open to the idea, but never followed through
check your schedules and let her know what day(s) the activity is going to happen. (with statements and fun and upbeat energy. Not like a sargeant ordering troops) Make her responsible (therby giving her the feeling of being involved and like she is part of a team) by giving her directions to take care of some aspect of it. for ex. having her make arrangements for who and how the kids are going to be taken care of during this time. or preparing or picking up supplies for the activity.


Ive mentioned stuff like this in other threads before...

Its not about her following thru. Its about you following thru, and leading. IF she has the usual vocal resistance to it, ignore (while smiling) and plow. Its just a test to see if its really important to you and that you really care.