That is an easy question and one I may have addressed long ago, somewhere. My W is almost the spitting image (in personality, not appearance) of my mother. Both are extroverts, have that high manic excited tendency, both enmesh and provide that feeling of comfort to my enmeshment needs. The funny thing is that EVERYONE in my family sees exactly the same thing, but both my W and mother have for the longest time vehemently denied they are anything like one another. More recently they have seen some similar tendencies.
I have always been a more quiet, introverted and at time shy person. Much is this was shaped in my childhood by my dominating and controlling mother, in conjunction with some of the knock-down drag out fights my parents had. That kind of fighting tends to shock kids into shutting down and just stuffing their emotions, both happy and sad. So someone like my wife (and mother) could pull those emotions out and make me feel alive, energized.
She on the other hand grew up as a “parentified” child, always playing the role of adult, mother, rescuer. One thing I recall she said that endeared her to me is when I told her that my brother’s wife was dying from AIDs (she was a major tramp) and that we were concerned he could have AIDs too (somehow he never contracted HIV and still hasn’t yet). This triggered her loss issues and rescuing habits, so we came together. And the rest is history.
So for me this all proof that your FOO issues WILL come back to haunt you if they are not addressed.
