Cobra.

I dont have a problem with anything you are saying, or trying to do.

In fact months ago I told you how much effort and probable fights you would have to go thru, in order to get thru to your Wife due to your divergent FOO's.
Cally and heather, maybe even GEL (honestly, Im choosing to assume all women for my reality from now on--except MWD, but shes not available -- ) may not be able to grasp love is a choice and not a feeling, but the reality is, most R's in our society are based on romantic love (attraction ). So while I do agree with your efforts, and will say again I like that schnarch is able to communicate to you, I want to reiterate that you should?, need?, want? to also work on filling your W's LB with positive feelings. Your doing really well with requiring and earning her respect in different areas.
Have some fun togther too. Im not talking about housework or placating her with remodels. I mean the two of you go out. See a play or a comedian at the Hobby center. Go to the arts festival. Go to San Antonio City walk for a weekend, or Galveston and take a sailing lesson together. Is there any chance you are afraid of this, becuase it causes you to fall/feel 'in love' with her?


Quote:

heatherg --I can't see how you demand a commitiment from someone you've never loved



I doubt Cobra demanded Marriage from his W. Even if he did its not probable or likely to have been accepted by the local authorities, unless they were living in the bayou at the time she got pregnant. Marital commitments have been given for aeons without romantic love. They have nothing to do with each other.

this is an orange---> Marital commitment/social contract/concious choice/legal schmegal

this is an apple---> romantic love/attraction/ subconscious urge/ emotional ocean.

see the difference?

I dont see where he is demanding one now. He is saying make the acknowledgement, and Ill work with you. Or say your not, and D me.
But make a decision. Im sure it feels heavy and demanding to her.

I think he'll get more results with a different tact, because currently Cobra, its come down to a power play over vocalizations of an ideal. Neither which are real, tangible, or can be felt. I disagree with you pushing on this particular piece, because its insecurity/fear based on your part. If the insecurity wasnt there, if you werent afraid and trying to self protect, you wouldnt need this so bad. This insecurity is idgiting your W, and she will just rub rub rub rub rub at it untill it breaks you or you get rid of it.

Everyone on this BB... at least this forum, KNOWs that WOA is needed by a man from his W. So many A's start from a woman giving WOA. And yet you know from being here on this forum, that even women that know this refuse or are unable to do it. They cant control themself. They're too 'idgited'. They want a man who is confidant, not one they have to let know. So they test test test. They are a huge part of the R problem when they continue doing this, and would soon find like HP when you tell your H and think your H is great he soon becomes so. But your W isnt here for me to discourse this with.



Quote:

Cally-- I know as a woman I wouldn't have had more children if I wasn't in love.



Um.
Ok.
This remark is negated by the fact that around 25% of children dont belong to the Mothers H. (the apparent father). Last Friday night, after closing, an aquaintenance said to me, "I want another baby SOOOOOO BAD. I dont even care if the guy wants to be a dad.' She is already a single mother of a six year old. So from that and other experiences and observations,
I have a feeling that a womans drive for children, is entirely independant of her feelings for whatever man may or may not be in her life.

Please, Feel free to correct me if Im wrong, Cally, but with some facts a little more concrete then how you feel about it, or what you would do .

Thank you, though for sharing how Cobra could be alienating his W, with his mine/not yours actions. Im thinking, and hoping its not as bad as his clinical and detached analyzings here on the forum, come off though. Im certain Cobra loves his W and family.

Maybe you can take this opportunity to see that men arent really emotionless bastards, that dont care about womens feelings. Try to see that men dont, emote like women do, nor should we be required to.
Maybe if she feed him and sexed him and told him she wasnt going anywhere, he wouldnt be so angry and withholding. I know, I know, its simple, and boring, and he doesnt deserve it, because he is angry and witholding.

Whee. around and around. So fun-- like a merry go round. Till it goes too fast and everyone is flung off the ride to nurse their bruises.