Cobra,
I have no problem with you showing your power to your wife. That doesn't bother me in the least. In fact, you seem to be repeatedly misunderstanding what it is that I, and others, found disturbing about your counseling session.

You were absolutely correct in not taking full responsibility for your wife's actions and she's 100% delusional for even asking for it. However. The fact that you did not hold on to yourself immediately afterwards and instead decided to engage her on your own semi-ridiculous power play says to me that you are not as differentiated as you'd like to be. Note that I am not saying that in a 'neener neener' way--I am well aware that I'm not as differentiated as I'd like to be either...it's a journey, I suppose.

I can't for the life of me figure out why you are pushing your wife so hard for a marriage commitment. Here you've got two people who only sorta kinda love each other, are just now learning to behave in a most basic and civil manner towards each other, have little communication or problem solving skills and you want a firm commitment?? I don't think you are going to get it and what would it mean, anyway? You currently don't have the marital infrastructure to support a permanent no-matter-what commitment, so why are you pushing for that?

You seem to want a guarantee that you are not being played for a fool..that she's not going to financially wipe you out right when you think things are turning around. Although I don't blame you for wanting that, the very fact that you are acting this way is going to push her away. There is *nothing* attractive about a person saying, Commit to me or else.
If I were you, I would absolutely STOP asking that question and keep doing what you are doing in your last post--commit to her and lead by example. If you cannot proceed with your own marriage commitment without knowing where she stands, then think "man o steel" and simply tell her (in a way that shows your own vulnerability without looking wimpy) that you are committed and you need that same commitment from her. And leave it at that. Do not press for an answer right away--she will give it to you.

Oh and guess what. We are remodeling our kitchen also. What a MESS!!!!!!!!