I've taken some time to reply to you because once again...something you have written bothered me.
Quote: Maybe think I am doing a good job in conveying the extreme control and imbalance of power she has had in this relationship during the past, and how much I have turned things around
So if in the past she had the extreme control and imbalance of power...and you have turned things around well....doesn't that mean that you now have the imbalance of power? That's not right either Cobra.
There are SO very many statements in your posts Cobra that make it sound like things have swayed too far to the other side now. Naturally we only have the benefit of knowing what you post on here....but even you have doggedly stayed after someone on here when YOU have seen behaviors or statements in a participants post that wasn't benefitting their M.
Yes you and your W have made progress with different methods you have used, won't argue that. BUT there comes a time when you need to change your method. Honestly Cobra lately in your posts you aren't coming across as a very loving person towards your W, as we've said to CeMar oh-so-many times on here.....if your resentment etc towards her comes out so venemously on here, it's going to come out at home too. I truly would love to hear you say something nice & loving about her.
You are striking me as a stubborn mule right now (merely an analogy, not intended as an insult). You say you are enforcing boundaries, but you appear to be behaving in a simply stubborn manner. Cobra....you can still enforce boundaries and redefine how you enforce them. Enforcing them doesn't mean you dig in your heels on an issue and can't budge on something (Hairdoggie IMPO had a great solution for you as far as the property etc goes....I had a similar legal solution in mind). You are the one who sets the boundary, you are the one who decides in what manner it is to be enforced....and that manner CAN change.
You do also sound so very cold towards your W in how you speak of her. You sound unsymphathetic to her past which is a HUGE contributing factor to who she is today. If I were unsympathetic to my H's past...I can only imagine where I'd be right now. I've found that my best successes with my H come from being sympathetic & empathetic to his issues, trying to mentally put myself in his shoes to understand his motivations....and using them to help me design how I will reinforce my boundaries.
Cobra...to address something another poster brought up as well, do you try to diagnose your W when you talk with her? I've noticed you do tend to do that on here fairly quickly with other posters, so it's not a stretch for me to think that you might try to tell your W why she does xyz. As someone else said (Heather I think)....that'd just go right through me if someone did that to me. That would make me feel like you aren't listening to me and that...you think you have all the answers to everything, that everything would be fine as long as it's done YOUR way (that's just how I would fee if someone used that approach towards me...my H would react the SAME way). Perhaps you don't do this with your W, perhaps you have a different approach.....BUT it is how you do come across on here. Think about it, do you behave that way with her? If so, that behavior pushes someone away.
Cobra, I really do hope you are listening to what people are telling you....even though I can tell, it's not something you agree with. Often if we don't agree with something it's because we are resistent to it.....just think about what we're telling you. Take a good look at your behavior. With your current behavior, right now....would you want to be close to someone who behaved as you are?
