It seems lately you've taken the focus off of YOUR behavior and put it back on her.
Exactly. It is time for her to make a choice. The focus keeps coming back to her because she has avoided this decision for so long.
Ok...so you are thinking she wants the property to give herself more if you two D....have you talked to her about that lately? Have you told her lately what your issue with this is? I'm not asking if you've asked her or told her before....I'm asking about recently.
Yes, this past Wednesday.
Cobra, I honestly do see the two of you in a HUGE power play and the only way to get out of that is for one of you two to let go of the rope.
I see several of us telling you very similar things...yet you seem to be discounting us. Remember we are gathering our info from what you say, and how you say it....there is something to what we are telling you. We are being no less honest with you....as you have been with others on here.how this contributes to the health of the relationship?
I understand you see things as I relay them. Maybe think I am doing a good job in conveying the extreme control and imbalance of power she has had in this relationship during the past, and how much I have turned things around.
Understand one other point about why I do not give as much credence to her latest list of complaints as you and others might. Her complaints about me have not been consistent. Over time as I change one behavior, she throws up another complaint. After a while I realized she was just making excuses to keep me off balance and distanced. Her complaints now were not even on her radar screen a year ago. What she will complain about a year from now is completely unknown. Her complaints are not the real issue.
That is why your advice to address a particular point, or make an unconditional apology will actually cause me to feed into feed into her game, because it will imply that her excuses are valid. I did this for so many years that I know all to well where that will go. I think Hairdog can tell you the same thing.
So I disagree that this is not a battle to save the marriage. It really is, but we are way down the road to where there are few alternatives left but divorce. That is why I am not really acknowledging her attempts to pull this thing back into a power play. Remember she is the one pushing for restitution and revenge. That is a power play. I am trying to sidestep her demands and only reluctantly acknowledging them because the true focus needs to be on our core FOO issues. Power plays are all diversions anyway, right?
