The ball is now in her court to accept what she claims she has always wanted. Now she must come to realize that either she does not want that, or there is something within her that prevents her from accepting it. Either way it is her issue. This is why she is in the crucible. Can you see how this contributes to the health of the relationship?
I do see your points. I just think your approach is a little off. Too harsh, needs to be more empathetic and "softer." But I am glad to hear you have opened up to her about your own fears. It's no accident the two of you are together, and for this long. And yes, she may claim she wants that "loving" M, but as you stated, her FOO has set it up that she is now with someone who she is having a hard time being intimate with. And you as well. You admit going into the M without loving each other, so on some level, that had to be "ok" with you. You both have your work cut out for you, but who doesn't.
