That attitude sucks. You sound like someone who is already in the process of going through a bitter D, not someone who really wants to make the M better.
This attitude does not mean that I have no compassion for my wife and her history. But I will not accept those problems as justification for her poor behavior, just as she does not accept my FOO as an excuse to act out on my part.
That's a joke right? Sorry for the sarcasm but you are deluding yourself with this mentality. Don't you see how the power struggles and intimacy struggles are Interrelated? You can't just say the fear of intimacy is Causing the power struggles. And for sake of argument, if they are, how are you possibly expecting to get rid of the fear of intimacy if you still hold up such walls to each other? Money wise or not.
Yes, the fear of intimacy IS the cause of the power struggles. As for overcoming this, I have let down my walls, I have bared myself by telling her why I react as I do. I have told her my understanding about how my FOO affects me, how it triggers my anxiety and abandonment issues, why I feel the need to pursue, that I fear losing her, the kids, the family. I have told her directly and to the point, no beating around the bush, that I want to have an intimate relationship with her, to make love and not just have sex, and to commit to the marriage. I have said this several times to her and in front of the counselor. I have made my position very clear and laid it on the line for all to see.
The ball is now in her court to accept what she claims she has always wanted. Now she must come to realize that either she does not want that, or there is something within her that prevents her from accepting it. Either way it is her issue. This is why she is in the crucible. Can you see how this contributes to the health of the relationship?
