Actually I did apologize for what I did. I would not apologize for what she did. Before this session, she was asking that I apologize for EVERYTHING, that in one way or another, I was somehow responsible. Now remember that she has still not elected to disarm her attorney. So as long as I think she may be plotting to D and take as many assets as she can (and she has said before that this is exactly what she intends to do), then I will not give her anymore ammunition in court. I have my own financial interests to watch over.
My proposal to her was to make the leap of faith first. Regardless of how she may feel toward me now, what does she WANT? What is her objective? If she does not ever want to be married, then there is little more to discuss and I will not give over any personal assets. If she does want a happy marriage, then I will commit to doing what it takes to get there. There is more at play here than simply acquiescing to an apology.
To your other point, I strongly disagree. It is I who have made the bulk of the progress. She has become stuck over the past few months because intimacy is slowly creeping into the picture. When she starts with her old resentments, I do hold onto myself. But I don’t cave into her either, which is what is ticking her off. I hear her concerns very clearly, too clearly because I know she is really scared and wants security and control. The problem is that her version of this is not something I can deliver. I can and will deliver a healthy version of love, but she needs to get to a position of being able to accept it.
Everyone here seems to get the idea that I am walking over my wife and trying to control and dictate to her. I have tried to think through my actions as clearly as I can and still believe that I am not forcing anything on her, but I am setting boundaries and consequences. She is doing everything she can to put things back the way they were. I won’t go there. She is suffering and scared, which means she is growing and learning.
