By reading this I can tell you are a control freak. You want to be right and heard. Whenever I have seen you post about your wife you always state she is wrong or what she feels is horse crap or bull. Ya know she is entitled to feel the way she feels. She has many different opinions then you. It doesn't mean she is running or avoiding. It may just mean she is at the end of her rope and is really feeling she has had enough of you. It seems funny that she would say you are abusive. You keep trying to provoke a fight and keep coming at her badgering her because you feel she should talk. Then you said this....
Quote: I said W was been abusive too. Her withdrawing, avoiding, running, not talking is all a form of abandonment
To me that is not abuse. It seems maybe she just doesn't want to fight with you. It seems like you argue about everything if it comes to something she would like expecially with the children. If she tells you the children have come to her and told her something then you call her a liar. If your own children have come to you and confirmed what she said like in one instance they didn't want to take Tae Kwan Do anymore then you jump in by saying you don't care they are going to take it anyway. So I am sure even your own children feel your control as well as your wife. If your wife really wanted your children to wear blue you would probably argue you wanted yellow. If she wanted to feed them burgers you would probably argue steak. I know those are petty examples. I guess the point I am trying to make is maybe she is sick and tired of argueing with you on every little instance. I mean if even if she feels something or is hurting about something you tell her it is wrong. So she shuts down to avoid all thse fight with you. I am sure as a mother she doesn't want to do this in front of her children all the time. So that is not abuse that she avoids you or is not talking to you. She is trying to maybe cope the best way she knows how right now. But you are the kind of demanding man that won't accept that and keep coming after her and forcing the issue.
If my husband called the police on me because he finally pushed me and pushed me to the point of arguing with him I would be very upset and resentful to. She was a mother with little children and one who is trying to work to help support her family and was being carted off probably in cuffs and taken to a jail cell. With little children upset and wondering where mommy went and also now with a police record with a bad marriage and may to possibly get another job someday with a police record. Heck yeah I would be angry and resentful. To me that was a power trip you used. She didn't do it to you when you kept pushing her that night to speak with you.
Another example..
Quote: I told W that I know she does not think she was being abusive during our fight, but her distancing was very upsetting and very abusive to me. For her avoiding any form of engulfment is what makes her comfortable and secure. So she thinks she was acting appropriately. But I do not think I was doing anything inappropriate because to me, engaging is a comforting action. I do not see it as abusive. So her actions make her 50% responsible for what happened. I was willing to apologize for my 50% only.
Well, engaging to her is not a comforting action! But yet she went to jail that night. And yet you still feel she should appologize to you for not wanting to argue with you.
So what if she has a retainer fee right now. Maybe she is so hurt and confused she doesn't know what she wants. Maybe she is just preparing for if something does happen. With some good faith and you commiting to be nice and work on yourself and your marriage it could maybe turn things around. But you have to control everything and to you this is something she has on you and it pisses you off. So you are trying to force she remove it.
It just seems like everything is power trip for you. Maybe you take the whole alpha male thing a little to far. I feel very sorry for your children to see these fights and power trips all the time. Just think of the FOO they will have. Foo seems to be very important to you. Never before have I seen a Dad be so argumentative over the children. Most dads I know leave a lot up to the mom's to decide feeling they have the best interest at heart.
