I want to thank you too Dave!

I really like this thread; printed it and read it during lunch (making notes in the margin, haha). I have to say I agree with BF in his posts; to me his responses are down-to-earth and practical. Sometimes I get bogged down in the Psychoanalysis that goes on here and it makes me avoid the boards for at least a couple of days.

I have to say Dave, You have pulled alot of the 'Schnarch' 'talk' into focus for me.

(Actually; I'm starting to believe that Cobra IS Schnarch. Just admit it Cobra!)

I take the 'differentiate' thing as a 'coming into yourself'. A growth of spirit that changes the (destructive) cycles of your R/M. The crucible is the natural changing of the R, one way or the other that WILL happen by the pressure of the change in oneself. (Did that make sense?)

I must admit that this is relief to me. I was getting the impression that The Crucible was a kind of 'forcing the issue'. To make your S choose a path. Since I have come a long way in 'finding my own self' in this hard time I hated the thought of deciding on a 'time' to 'push' my H into something... and it probably would have just been into a corner!

I have to say though that remaining in this separateness is, at times, difficult. This is evident to me as in I have not worked up the courage to 'not get my feelings hurt' when I am rejected for intimacy. When H did this in the past; it was very painful and I believe is a conditioned response; like Pavolov's dogs. I must untrain myself but I guess my mind is stubborn. I imagine this is why I do not initate at all anymore.

... you should seek out situations as a couple that are catalysts for personal growth and then apply pressure by being your happy, goofy self.

I am happy most of the time... but I'm always goofy!



Whatever!