Thank you Dave. I had been meaning to address the whole issue of "pushing one's spouse into the crucible". I think it is better described as "pushing through the crucible." It isn't something that one or the other spouse engineers but rather the natural, inevitable result of one person making changes within the system. I agree that the process of differentiation isn't to be undertaken lightly as the outcome is far from assured. A system under stress can accomodate and grow or it can explode or maybe implode. The point is that in changing oneself or in becoming oneself the spouse is forced to do something.... What they will do is entirely up to them. I guess the value in the end is that regardless of what your spouse chooses at least you have your integrity and the ability to soothe your own axieties.
