There is nobody more differentiated then a person having an affair.
Sorry Blackfoot, this is wrong. I find it very hard to conceive of a truly differentiated person having an affair. People like this are usually very enmeshed and have the affair to get back at their spouse, to flex some power, to defy the abandonment they feel from their spouse. The truly differentiate person will try to work through the problems, and then if it can be resolved, divorce.
Im really glad you found schnarchy and that his communication style gets across to you what you need to do. Your doing excellent with it, though I dont think you get why, yet.
I know exactly why you think a highly differentiated style is what I need – because it paints me in the alpha male role. But I disagree that a pure alpha male model is the objective toward which one should strive. Maybe it is fine for dogs, but I find it insufficient for humans. I think your comment on Heather’s thread that you would blow up here truck is a case in point. Burgbud rebutted that comment quite nicely I thought. A show of dominance and power is great for animals, but it usually won’t cut it with people. There are some people with whom it will work, but I think these are often weaker, more passive, follower types and they don’t always stay followers.
One problem with too much alpha male is that you run the risk of the rule “power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” If you believe in the animalistic nature of man, you cannot discount this truth. Every man has his price. No one is beyond corruption. Too much power leads to arrogance which will ultimately lead to relationship problems.
I think the better approach is to develop power through self awareness, training, whatever, but harness it with humility. This is tough to do but true differentiation is one way to achieve it since this requires the ability to hold onto yourself as your partner flexes his/her muscle. Acknowledging and accepting this blends well with humility.
Nothing in her current behavior is likely to be found in that other book you like so much.
Stop being cryptic. What other book are you talking about?
