How to Push into the Crucible

[MJontheMend]

Thanks for the Schnarch Cliff Notes and the background info on your sich. What is your situation sexually? Did you decide that sex really wasn't your issue and that control issues surrounding parenting were more critical or is it just that you have to resolve the parenting issues before you can resolve your sexual issues? Did your W's bid for dominance in parenting make you seek to prove your dominance sexually beyond your natural desire for sexual pleasure? Of course, I've come up with this theory based on the theories you've suggested for me which didn't ring true (LOL).

It's interesting to me that both you and my H at times have interpreted my desire to initiate sex as a desire for dominance or control. This is obviously a basic fear for most men- the fear of being the f*ckee rather than the f*cker. Though, of course, it is also a strong primitive fantasy for many/most men also, which is why the "Bend Over Boyfriend" DVD is a constant bestseller at Good Vibrations. However, the fact of the matter is that 90% of the time I initiate sex with my husband I am thinking "Please f*ck my brains out." not "I want to f*ck your brains out". Really any man who finds himself with a woman who is thinking "I want to f*ck your brains out" should consider himself very lucky since that is an honor/feeling that women usually reserve for rock stars. For instance, I have a friend who had sex with a famous author who is probably one of the Top 20 Eligible Bachelors on the planet. I saw her the next day and when I asked her how their date went she said "I f*cked his brains out.".

Sorry, I guess I went off-topic here. Back to the crucible.