I do know via my in-laws that my H's previous W would rake him over the coals. She apparantly took every opportunity (at times they were present) to strike him down in cruel manners. That's exactly why I now make it a point when I recognize that defensive behavior in him to tell him "it's ok to do this with me."
Honestly cine...I can't answer the 2nd part of your question well. We rarely come across instances where he doesn't know what I mean (truly), at least not that he lets me know of or that I'm able to recognize. Our communication has really improved and is really quite good now, especially since he now understands I say what I mean.
