Geesh has it really been a month since I updated my own thread?
Well lets see...what's new? Well I think we have found our way to a compromise (sexually) that works for both of us. We know now my H's issues with the whole whore/madonna thing....so if I were to sit back and wait on him to initiate sex full out...I'd have white hair before it would happen (ok..it'd fade to pink since I'm a red-head). If I were to be the only one initiating all the time....as we all know, I'd go nuts too, out of frustration and resentment from things being so one-sided. I posted on another thread (forget which one now) something that I've been trying....and it really seems to be a way we are able to work around this.
What I have been doing is approaching my H (oh about once a week, because he feels pressured if it's more often) and simply asking "Hey hon...think we can "get together" in the next couple of days?" Now if I approach him this way...I can pretty much guarantee we will have sex Sat or Sun. This approach does a few things for us.
#1 (most important) it gets him thinking about sex with me. #2 I don't feel like I am always having to be the sexual aggressor in our M because while it's true I am the one initially bringing it up, I'm not actually the one to start it. #3 He's allowed to pick the when/where as he wishes, there's no pressure that it has to be now, or tonight. It puts him in control and keeps spontenaiety from being completely thrown by the wayside. #4 He DOES initiate in his own fashion when he's ready.
I really feel this approach is working for us because it takes the majority of pressure off of both of us. I of course will still initiate and let my inner porn star out every now and then, so she's not supressed....and he's fine with that. However, if I want to feel that my H is initiating in some manner....then this is the approach I take with him, and I'm seeing results with it.
I'm also noticing that by utilizing this approach with him that I do receive more sexual contact with my H throughout the time we are around each other....so there's hope this may improve as well. Right now though, I'm operating as though this is what I have to deal with, I'm going on a "what if he doesn't ever improve, what if this is all he has to give?" approach....and learning to work with what we do have. I guess in some ways this goes back to accepting him as he is...because due to that acceptance I'm able to say "Ok, here's the situation, lets say he has no control over it....so how can I deal with it so that I minimize resentments within myself?" When I looked at it in that light...I came up with this approach. Surprisingly I really am good with this....I think because there truly does feel like there is some give and take from both sides...and that does help.
Aside from that...we're still talking when we can, still doing our date nights etc. So things are going pretty good for us.
We're also looking at purchasing a 5yr old dead-broke mare (meaning you couldn't make this horse buck you off), that would be perfect for taking our S on rides with us...and she would be a perfect learning horse for him as he gets bigger as well.
