I think you can chalk your H's deceptive behavior regarding the Viagra up to the male tendency to not want to seek out help. Sort of the equivalent of a guy who realizes he is lost and really needs to look at a map but still doesn't want to look at the map in front of his woman so sneaks a peek in the men's room instead. It's like he didn't really have to look at the map if nobody know that he actually did. Self-deception more than anything.
I agree that this self-deceptive behavior on the part of men, and that there are situations where your reasoning applies. But for the most part, from my perspective, I see men acting this way for another reason. Men are trained, conditioned and bred to have at least some aspects of alpha in them. What level they achieve varies, but I think most boys look at becoming the alpha football quarterback a lot like girls lot to become the head cheerleader. There is admiration, praise, self esteem involved from same sex peers. There is also the understanding that the opposite values these qualities too.
One of the trials of men is to find where they stand in the “pecking” order. Natural athletic ability determines this in sports, intellect in the classroom, charisma and looks in dating. Many men learn that they need to accept that their natural limitations are lower than others (remember that line from Dirty Harry – it is more relevant than you think!) So what is left? A man may come to accept his limitations versus other men, but against women, he must still feel he has a chance to be alpha. Conditioning tells him that if he succumbs on this level then he is a momma’s boy not only to other men but to women as well.
Not asking for help is a passive-aggressive way to hold on to this remnant of alpha. I think the more insecure the man, the more reluctant to ask for help. So your willingness to understand men’s needs to not ask for help is valuable. It can be even more valuable if you see it in a different light as an opportunity to further boost his confidence and sense of alpha, a recognition that in his own quirky way he is trying to be the alpha male you want, rather than analyzing him for what is weak and wrong. I think this is misperception of men by women is something that can be a sore point for men.
