Re GEL after my H got off the phone with his folks (and we were watching TV a bit) that he was just sitting there silently crying I am one of those guys that worries about debt too. although sometimes I can't put my finger on a problem (debt) I know I used to think about It a lot, which took away my ability to spend more time thinking about the marital relationship. Maybe this is similar to how your H operates.
they have offered to pay both of the credit cards off I did something like this for my D35. I did a partial of the total and paid off the 3 highest interest cards. She had 6 cards she was paying on.
Back to your H, I hope, with the CC debt behind him he can spend more mental energy on the R.
(knee-jerk reaction), I called BS by saying "You never messed with the stuff... you have the worst friggin memory of anyone I've ever met." Then the truth came out about what he had done....... We managed to talk it out....
Good for you guys. Do you ever go over a situation like this in a week or two, not to review who did what to prove a point, but to encourage Mr GEL to be more open and emphasise no one got nailed to the cross, it was not about who did what, it was about being honest and it was OK if he did something that was not perfect.
I think a guys work carries over into his home life. At work, he has to do the procedures according to a set of rules and there are few chances to experiment and no chances to be caught making mistakes, so he has learned to do the best he can at home and that includes not being discovered in an area you might consider (in his mind) as wrong or a mistake.
In some ways he does not want to differ with you. In some ways he might not want to be seen as having any flaws. And of course there is the view he sees as right and proper that might differ from your views. All or most of this might be considered conflict avoidant on a non-power trip level, or to some people passive/aggressive.
....even if that means he's just more light-hearted, I'll be curious to watch and see Good frame of mind GEL. If you see something more light-hearted, point it out to him and ask him if having less debt is the reason for any changes. He might not be aware of it as much as he should in your eyes.
About paying his parents back, I think that would be a good idea for him, and them in the long run, not to mention the kids college fund. If he does (my way of thinking) he won't mentally owe them one and will be able to think of himself as a person that needs help from time to time rather than as someone that needs help. I just think a persons equity in a relationship is sounder when the money is paid back, even if it is at a slower than the normal rate.
GEL, that is my $0.02 and keep in mind I placed a high value on what I do as a person and as a man on the work I did, and the money I earn to a lesser degree.
Some women might get too much of their self-esteem from thinking of them-self as a good mother and how well their children are doing. I think there are a lot of men that equate their value as a person to how well they are doing at work and how good of a job they have. I can't tell you how much finances, work pressures played a part in our M when it shouldn't have. I didn't see it till much later. I hope your H is different. FWIW.
