It's been some time since I posted an update on my own thread so here goes...
Things have pretty much settled in at the GEL household...as Honeypot so aptly put it....fairly boring LOL. My H (as expected) settled back to his routine of affection, but not initiating (once again...I expected this to happen). He's made great strides when it comes to communicating...he just still won't push through that one thing that holds him back from asking for sex. He thinks about it, he enjoys it, he just won't....actually make it happen. I'm not pushing for it either.
I have found (that like some others here) my own libido has taken a dip. I think about sex, sure...but right now...I could pretty much care less about it. If he asked me for it, sure I'd go for it....but right now, just don't have the energy towards pursuing it. That ebb could be due to many things...my work schedule has increased tremendously and I'm constantly on the run with that, it's hotter than Hades here in OK, and well....our 3yr old has a way of just draining whatever energy I have left at the end of the day....completely out LOL, oh and he had been in Honduras working on a plane for a week...then came home to working an opposite shift from mine as well for 4-weeks. So...I haven't been really concerned about "sex"...at least we are communicating really well.
He's still making efforts for us to have our date nights, which I really appreciate...that at least has stuck with him LOL. We've also agreed that beginning in a couple of weeks (our next MC session, we haven't had one in quite some time) that he will begin going alone....to concentrate on this last piece of the puzzle, because he's the only one that can produce the key.
We haven't had any further issues with his online activities (fortunately for him), but it's going to take me more time to re-build my trust for him. I trust him to an extent, but I find that at certain times I still get very wary when he's alone at home...and that's just going to take time to go away. As we know already, he tends to have a knee jerk reaction when I ask questions of him to well...lie if he feels he's going to get in trouble. When I call BS though, the truth comes out. That's why I call it a knee-jerk reaction....and this is getting better too.
For example....a few weeks ago I came across a bottle of Viagra that he had (he'd had it since we were dating and these issues began...right around the time he got his job back and well, the sex thing didn't fix itself...it was an old bottle.) Now, this in itself didn't freak me out....what I found bothered me was he had this medication, and NEVER told me he had it, that he'd tried it, that this was something he was doing to try to figure out what was wrong....you know, that he was actually doing SOMETHING to try to figure out this issue. Not to mention that there were some pills missing....which when I asked him about them, he told me "I never messed with the stuff" (knee-jerk reaction), and I called BS by saying "You never messed with the stuff...yet there are # pills missing from this prescription? Hmmmm...I think we need to put you on Aricept for your memory instead of Viagra, cause you have the worst friggin memory of anyone I've ever met." Then the truth came out about what he had done...his Dr. wouldn't give him a prescription because he didn't think it would help, so he ordered it online (true)...and was advised to try 1/2 pill a couple of times (which added up). We managed to talk it out....and we talked a bit about it again later. Ironically enough when we were watching tv that evening....one of the characters pulled out a viagra and referred to it as the "middle-aged mans best friend"....we both looked at each other and just busted out laughing!!!
Now...to something that happened last night that I found interesting, and perhaps key (I don't know). My H was talking with his folks in GA last night, and from the conversation I could tell they were inquiring about our finances (my H is an open book with them about our finances, which doesn't bother me.) My H has a great deal of credit card debt....partially due to him, partially due to his XW, and partially due to the time that he lost his job and was fighting to get it back. Anyway....he was paying a great deal a month to these cards and getting nowhere fast due to interest rates and now the doubled minimum payments....he was never going to be able to pay them off at the rate we could afford to pay. His parents made a hugely generous gesture.....they have offered to pay both of the credit cards off (I told you very generous.) Not only are they paying them off but they've told my H that if he absolutely feels he must pay them back (and that's how my H is) that he can send them half of what he had been paying on the cards (which will have this debt paid off in just a few years)....and they will put that money into an educational fund for our son and match what we pay. What an amazing gesture huh?!!
Anyway...I noticed after my H got off the phone with his folks (and we were watching tv a bit) that he was just sitting there silently crying. I have NEVER seen my H cry with the exception of Extreme Home Makeovers LOL....I have never seen him cry from true emotion, it was so refreshing to see him letting something out for once. The stress of those credit cards was truly weighing him down (which btw I do understand). Now, I haven't said anything to him in quite some time about showing me affection or anything like that....I've just pretty much backed off of that for quite some time. Without me saying anything out of the blue he comes, sits by me on the couch, puts his head on my lap and tells me "I know I don't show you I love you, I don't act like it, I don't say it....but I sure do....more than you could ever know." I guess the timing of this surprised me more than anything, but it was a nice surprise that's for sure. He's making progress...and I'm sure the stress of this debt being relieved helped too.
So, I'm going to just continue on as I have been and observe. I'm curious to see if the weight of this debt being lifted changes some of his behaviors....even if that means he's just more light-hearted, I'll be curious to watch and see. At least for the next four weeks we are back on the same work-schedule, that always helps too :-)
Well...that's pretty much it for now. See...boring LOL.
