The acceptance-- if it is sincere and without strings-- can have a magical effect on things.
If partner A is trying to get partner B to do something or be a certain way, partner B tends to see the issue as A's "problem." There's a triangle: A, B, and The Problem.
But when A sets down the problem by the side of the road and says "it is no longer my problem, I'm fine with things the way they are," then all of a sudden the there is no more triangle. B is alone with The Problem. That can cause real panic and be a much greater motivation for change than when the sitch was a triangle.
This is IF B secretly or publicly recognizes that The Problem is in fact a problem. Which chances are B does if B has been arguing about it and resisting it for years.
I wish I could be as accepting as you. I have gotten to the point where I've thought along the lines of "Nobody gets everything that they want from life. So what if I don't have the passionate sex life I desire, I have x,y and z which other people might want and can't have. I should try to work on appreciating what I have.". Unfortunately, I find it very difficult to maintain this mental state when exposed to certain environmental triggers that make me horny and I quickly lapse into "Why can't I get me some? It's not fair.".
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Cobras TKD and the standard karates are probably tops for all around flexibility. No offense to Cobra, its a great sport, and acrobatically very challanging, but IMO those kinds of kicks are not real world practical, would be lethal if executed ( I use this stuff regularly, and my body takes over when in the mix, so no thanks), and kicking gets you a set of uncomfortably tight bracelets in my state. any of your oldie but goody exercises from your gymnastic days will give you your flexibility back, if thats all you want.
If you have a decent school around, the first few months of judo will condition you the most extensively, for many take downs, falls, rolls, and various limb protecting manuevers.
I think I just realized one day that even though I kept saying I wasn't trying to change my H....I really was. I just kept phrasing it in a manner that was more palatable to me.
Afterall...I WAS aware of our issues when we married, whether I chose to recognize or acknowledge them or not...I was aware. I'm finding right now though that we've dealt with other (I believe more important) issues in our M (trust, communication, resentment, history), it's so much easier to just drop the reins and accept him EXACTLY as he is....because now I really do know WHO he is.
Our communication is so much more honest now, we can say things we NEVER would have before...especially during disagreements. We discuss things...we both listen better...and we make the time now to spend time ALONE with each other (date night every Sat...even if it's in our living room).
I guess you could say intimacy is now present...even when the sex is not, for us I think that's key.
I am wanting to regain flexibility (it's amazing how quickly you lose it) but wanted totry something new.
I'd also considered taking up ballet just for fun. I'm looking for something I can do for "me" time...that will benefit me physically as well. I'll look into your suggestions.
Judo = SO will be all around safer and less likly injured in various sports and activities.( like falling off of tall horses.... Did you say you teach? whats that saying about those that cant do..... j/k...) The self defense is really irrelevant.
Ballet= a dancers legs and butt. < BF bites his finger owwww, in a good way... >
Now that is a dilemma. Any selfish, sane H, would put his vote in for the ballet. and a loving practical H would choose judo. damn ---where is that twix bar.
Yes smart azz, I used to teach riding quite some time ago LOL.
I have friends who try to get me to go to aerobics, step class etc...not my style. I get so bored with that so quickly. Martial Arts would present me with learning new skills...a challenge. Ballet....allows me to combine my athleticism with my creativity....something I enjoy. Actually I suppose both could do that once I learn the skills. Perhaps I'll look into both. My H and I would both benefit...as you pointed out.
I'm thinking about signing up for a tap dance class. I took ballet and tap when I was a kid and much preferred the tap. It can also be useful for self-defense because nobody better mess with you when you're wearing those shoes. I'd actually like to take a hip-hop class too but my children would be quite disapproving. They won't even let me listen to rap in my car.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
That would be fun I like the idea of ballet for me because I have very strong legs (as my H says...don't get in the way of her left foot!) from YEARS of soccer etc. Actually anything athletic and creative is something I would enjoy.
>
Any selfish, sane H, would put his vote in for the ballet. and a loving practical H would choose judo. damn ---where is that twix bar.