Karen,

In essence you and I are saying the same thing. I merely found it interesting that my verbalizing that I was letting go of that "ideal" seems to have lit a fire (or at least a spark) under my H.

I still do (as you said) have to work on letting go, for me...it's something that has to be done in order to accept my H for who he is right now...not for who he might become.

It's been my experience that (for me) my most useful tool in our M has been truly accepting my H for the man that he is...great qualities, flaws, foibles and all. It gives him the freedom to not feel judged. I'm not judging him for not being what I thought my "ideal" was...I'm accepting him just as is....in turn that gives him freedom to try different things as well...which he wouldn't have done if he felt I was trying to fit him into a mold.

GEL

Well behaved women rarely ever make history!