Thanks for the tips :-) From what my H says...it's not that his back is extremely painful, it's more of a nuisance than anything else right now. I know mentally...it's wearing on him to not know what the problem is though, which he's hopefully going to find out today.
The kidney stones, from what he says are what's really bothering him right now.....the not passing of them yet. It's like he's expecting this horrible pain to hit anytime (and he's dreading it, which I completely understand) and he doesn't want to be caught in the middle of something like ML when that pain hits again.
Now, since he does have some physical maladies going on right now...I'm able to be understanding. We're getting ready to have a conversation though about him getting comfortable using our "toys". We're at a point now where I believe this can be introduced effectively and he'd be open to it. So it's time to take advantage of this opportunity for us to broaden our horizons just a bit more.
RE GEL it's not that his back is extremely painful, it's more of a nuisance than anything else right now I had L4/L5 disc partially removed because the disc was herniated and I lost strength in my leg and foot muscles.
The surgery brought back most of the fool and leg strength but 25% of the pain is still there. Sitting is difficult but i do most things I used to do but have flare ups.
I know each individual has a unique set of symptoms. Just thought I would post my problems and coping strategies in case they might be helpful to someone else.
I have a belief about medical advice or opinions: If one size fit all, it would probably be the wrong color.
That is why I wrote FWIW in my last post.
We're getting ready to have a conversation though about him getting comfortable using our "toys". We're at a point now where I believe this can be introduced effectively and he'd be open to it.
Good for you guys!
I should have been more adventurous when I had my back surgery and was out of commission for 6 to 12 weeks. BB never suggested any alternatives to what we were doing (mostly regular missionary), I knew she did not get much out of may manual stimulation, and she tells me she lost interest in sex, for the most part, around that time. That was in 1981.
There are so many times I wish I had a do-over button or would have found something like this forum back then.
I am sure glad it is here for everyone that is in an earlier stage of their M.
My H called me after his Dr's appt. Looks like he won't have to have back surger They did find that he had three discs in the lower back that were compressed...and he's going to have to do some exercises for thos. However, they have scheduled an MRI for Friday to find out more about what's causing the problems in his neck.
Right now though, his Dr. is confident he won't require surgery. That's a big load off of my H....and me.
Quote: That little scenario resulted in us laughing our butts off at our son as he stripped down and went swimming in a mud puddle LOL. I now have several blackmail photos of our son entitled "Redneck Swimming Pool"
That's the most endearing story!! I can picture your little guy now, how cute!!
I really think you've hit a nerve with all of us...you've been able to hit on something that we're all looking for. Peace, contentment and pure enjoyment out of each other's company and it has nothing to do with sex. We're all here because of the title "sex-starved", but it's not really the reason we're here...KWIM?
Anyway, good news about no surgery. Will keep my fingers crossed that MRI goes well too!
Nicky
"There are two types of people -- those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am,' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'"
Frederick Collins
I sometimes hesitate to write some of the stuff that I do. I guess I feel that sometimes some people might think I'm rubbing my good news in their faces...and that's soooo very much not my intent. I remember reading some of the posts when I first joined this BB about successes people would have....and I'd feel jealousy...and joy for them, but that twinge of jealousy usually hit home first.
I post what I view as our successes though to hopefully let others see that things CAN change. Heck if I can do it...I guess I believe ANYONE can. I do still firmly believe though that the changes had to start with ME, I had to truly make changes within myself.....when I truly made those changes within myself that FINALLY got that heavy granite ball of change moving in the right direction.
For us those changes were probably sped up by my discovery of my H's online activities....but I do believe I was headed there anyway; he just sort of enabled me to make those changes within myself at warp-speed. I was thinking about making those changes anyway....my discovery just took away every single reason I could come up with for not making them. KWIM?
I hope you didn't take my post the wrong way. I didn't mean that I was rubbed the wrong way about your posting your successes...I am so happy for you and hubby and your posts do give me hope that with hard work and persistance things can get better.
I really meant that it's taken me to hear other people's stories to realize that it isn't more sex, or better sex, it's the everyday interaction and feeling of mutual contentment that I personally am longing for. There are too many egg shells we're walking on and creating a barier between us. That's what I am hoping to fix for us and it's because of you sharing your story that I feel like it can actually change.
On another note, had I not found out about H's intereset in online porn (thanks to your tips), our R would not have progressed as much as it has.
I know there is a lot that I need to change about me. It has become more apparent lately...I guess I'll expand on that in my own thread!!
Nicky
"There are two types of people -- those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am,' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'"
Frederick Collins
Great news on the back. I had a similar incident 10 years ago. Dr, rec was surgery with no guarantees, Let it go and blow then have surgery, or do the exercises. Exercises worked. OF course that did not slow my SD
As to you comments to Nicky, they are spot on. I believe what happened in your sitch was the "awakening" in your H to start getting all his crap together and get it in one bag. A lot of us are waiting for our spouses to do that but, in my case, I forgot to get my done first. I think that is paramount. We need to be in a better spot, emotionally and mentally to be able to see the end of the line vs continuing to go on the way it is. Once we can see that AND have created a very healthy spot to see that line, it forces our S to get aboard or be left behind.
That healthy spot can only be reached when we have dealt with our issues and faults and stop playing the resentment game and bundeling each problem with others.
Again, great news on the back issue, and send that photo in to Jeff Foxworthy and see if ya can't get a "redneck gift basket" out of the deal!
Thanks for the link...I think I'll do that. FWIW, my H constantly gets told he looks like Jeff Foxworthy LOL. Ironic that they are both from the same area in GA too
I've actually got pictures of a house down the street from us that I'm eventually going to send in to that show as well.
awwwwwwwwwwwww that sounds so cute about your son and the puddle.
Glad to hear you got some positive news. Hope he passes that kidney stone to. That has to be terrible and keep you on edge just waiting for pain to hit. I hope he gets this all under control soon. What a good wife you are he is lucky.
They did find that he had three discs in the lower back that were compressed...and he's going to have to do some exercises for thos. However, they have scheduled an MRI for Friday to find out more about what's causing the problems in his neck.