Hmmmm....not sure I agree with this (We need to ask ourselves if what attracts us to a man who mostly acts Beta is really healthy. )
I know what attracted me to my H. They were good, admirable qualities....that I truly do love in him. I fell in love with someone who was my friend & who I was physically attracted to as well.
I understand your point in the question and why you would feel perhaps you need to ask that. I just wanted to state that I don't think it's a matter of healthy v unhealthy. For me what I was really battling against....is what society has taught me...as to how a man is "supposed" to behave sexually towards me.
I don't remember what program I heard this on...I think it might have been Oprah, when she had her therapist Robin on the show. I think she's the one who says that we often become involved and fall in love with a person who forces us to face our own fears and deal with our own issues from the past. I've heard her say that a few times now and really didn't think much about it.
I heard her say that again the other day though and this time it stuck with me. I found myself thinking about the growth I've experienced personally through dealing with our issues. The changes I've made within myself....are changes I've wanted to make for quite some time but for some reason just didn't.....but now suddenly I realize that through dealing with my H and the problems we have had....those changes have taken place within me.
I can so very clearly see now how that what Robin has said about meeting someone who forces/enables you to face your fears and deal with issues is something that is truly happening in my R with my H. We all know far too well by now that my H has issues that go way back for him....but until my H met me he hadn't been with a woman who challenged him to face his issues (for real), or as he puts it "who really cared" and stuck by him throughout that process.....AND loved him for who he really is.
He in turn, without knowing it has forced me to do things I have never done before...things I have needed to learn to do such as really speak my mind and ask for what I really want and need out of the relationship...without worrying that I'm going to hurt his feelings or run him off. Dealing with our problems has also taught me that what I thought I wanted....wasn't necessarily what I really needed.
