I completely understand your analogy about work. I too have been forced into jobs for work that ended up in some ways benefitting me. One of my roles here at work is instructor...I teach computer programs to our employees. I've always been put into a teaching role wherever I've gone....and it's against my natural nature to be in the spotlight. However I have a talent, and a skill with interacting professionally with people and making them feel at ease. So I've been put in classrooms full of people I don't know, having EVERYONE looking at ME. Now, I act like the ideal instructor....I have the knowledge, I have the talent, on the outside...I have the confidence. I will be flat-out truthful though....I have NEVER been comfortable in this role. I do it though because it's what I have to do to pay the bills....AND I can go home and escape that role and be GEL. IMPO...doing this and stepping out of your natural behavior at home, in an intimate setting are not the same things. At home, with the person I should feel safest with....I don't want to feel judged. I want to feel free to be me and be loved just as I am. My boss doesn't love me, that's not an intimate R...he pays me to do a job.
I will agree that there are things that you do just have to step up and do until you are no longer uncomfortable with whatever it is....said so myself before. Teaching has taught me not to be uncomfortable speaking in groups on topics I know about....but really all I do is ACT. The fact is though....you have to get someone comfortable enough, to feel safe enough, to step out of that comfort zone when you are talking about intimate issues and a one on one relationship that is as close as what we are discussing. For us, the thing that has worked is real acceptance of who my H is NOW.
