Joanne: you are great! maybe what everyone says has finally hit home with me. i have to hit rock bottom to change...well i think i have...maybe my h has to see that i CAN go on without him for him to realize what is really happening. different than so many of you, my h has filed...but i am dragging my feet and he is too (although i think his lawyer is nagging at him)....but i decided today on the five hour drive back from visiting my parents for father's day...that enough is enough. i do not want a divorce...but i refuse to be stuck where i am forever and at times i think i am...so tomorrow when i get up i will be a new person. i am doing the 180 for ME...detached and moving...i have said it before and you all know that...but something happened today. don't know what.
what kills me is he was here all weekend visiting my youngest (19) who stayed back home when i went away....so if h really wants out and away from the family, why is he here. i know it is easier than my son going to his tiny apt. but something must be bringing him here...trouble is...i wasn't here...when i am here he doesn't stop around...maybe i am imagining things...
my therpist says women need closure and that is why i am taking all the blame. h told me he left because i make mountains out of mole hills and worry about insignificant things and worry about the future and rehash the past and don't live in the NOW....and i think h is right...so my behavior is to blame...but still...what is holding me stuck is i can not understand why he did not want to try. he said he did try...every day and he says he did talk to me...but i did not listen...and i know i ignored all the warning signs. from listening and reading what you all say on this forum i know i missed the boat and i can only pray for something better...i wish i was as smart as all of you.
