Hi Joanne- I don't think you're nuts to leave the door open for your H, but there is one thing that jumps out at me that I think you should probably give extra care in considering what it would take to allow your H fully back into your life. It is the whole issue of physical abuse. I've never personally had to deal with it and I'm sure I can't quite imagine the horror of it, but it is something that terrifies me even when there seems to potentially be a hint of it. If your H is serious about changing and having the two of you in a healthy relationship then I would think that he might be willing to attend some type of anger management counseling. Because I'm not intimately familiar with all of the help that is out there for abusers I'm not sure what else to suggest. However, I do believe that there are many anger/abuse characteristics that are so hard to break that outside professional assistance is critical for longterm relief. I would judge his commitment and willingness to do what is necessary to rebuild your marriages in part by whether he is willing to stick to some plan including professional help.
I guess I say all of the above also from the standpoint of just worrying about your safety, physical and emotional. He needs to prove some things to you and the ball is in his court. If his dedication to repairing things is real then time will give you your answers. In the interim, I'd suggest possibly considering making a list of prerequisites to reconciliation. Mull the things over on your list, whether it is short or long, and then consider what would reasonably be shared with him. You can call the shots and accept him ultimately or not, but leaving the door cracked is probably wiser, given his treatment of you, then opening it fully and embracing him without evidence of changes, particularlly with respect to the physical abuse tendency.
With all of that in mind, I think your news is wonderful and there is hope that things can work out. Let H prove his sincerity on the key things. Best of luck--Jamie\
