Sue Ann,
Although I cannot remember the exact context, I think the main theme was like Patience said; H was living apart during the week, but sleeping with me at our house on the weekends. We had always had a very good, uninhibited, sex life and neither of us wanted to give it up during the separation. Even though I was very angry at him, and so hurt by him, I conciously made the decision not to withhold that from him. Plus, if you recall, he just HAD to have a vasectomy and why should I miss out on the post-vasectomy benefit? (Yes, I was tested for STDs and HIV a couple times during and after that timeframe.)

I do think it served to keep him very confused. Which, seemed intuitively to me, to be a good thing. (I believed that if he was confused, then he wasn't 100% sure about a future with the ho. And as long as he remained confused, I had a chance to get him home and working on "us". I had it in my head that unconditional love, meant loving him completely, even though I had to act as if, quite a bit, to get past the anger. So, I could probably win an academy award for porn if there were such a thing. I tried to focus on the "end zone", "goal post", "home plate". It usually worked, and I didn't have to fake it.

Now, I took a lot of heat on that decision. From everyone...my kids (who knew he where he was sleeping when he came to the house), my parents and some of my friends. It got to the point where if someone had the cajones to ask me about it, I just told them "I'm using him for sex, and since we're still married, I am allowed" (which wasn't entirely untrue). They stopped bringing it up. I figured it wasn't anybody's business but mine.

Even after he came home, one day my d was mad at me for something (can't remember what) but she thought she'd score a few extra punches by throwing in "...and I'll never understand why you kept sleeping with daddy after you kicked him out." My son understands now, but at first, he lectured me on it, and told me I was sick for trying to get him back like that. He was very angry and told me if I didn't get rid of him, he was going to. (He was home on leave from the Navy for whoop ass day---the day in April 99, when I "invited my h to leave." Instead, he left the house and stayed at a friend's for the rest of his leave time.

It got pretty ugly. They all tried to make me feel guilty and dirty. So, yeah, there were times when I felt like I was prostituting myself. Would I do it again like that? I don't know. Probably not, because I am determined not to go through this again. It was like fighting a battle for someone's soul. True guerilla-warfare style. You do what you have to do to survive. But if my h decides again that he prefers someone else, that's it for me. He'll be the loser, not me. I will have no problem walking away next time, and I will KNOW in my heart that I did in fact, do everything humanly possible to keep my family intact. But like my friend PJM, over on Cheers says...sometimes there's just not enough glue.

I'm not saying I would recommend my methods. Everybody is different, and for some people it really helps. One purpose sex serves is to achieve an emotional closeness that you can't get any other way. It also takes care of biological needs, eases frustration and stress (some even say it cures acne---don't know, I never had that problem). And it's fun! So, if you're not emotionally, or mentally opposed to having sexual relations with your spouse, I don't see anything wrong with it.

SueAnn,
If this isn't what you meant, I apologize for all the dirty details. If it is, I hope it helps. Have a good conference. Don't stress too much about the hairs. I found 6" straight black hairs in my bed, back in the fall of 98. I know how it feels, but I think it feels worse thinking you have to check up on him. Believe me, you can drive yourself nuts with the what ifs. Spray that cologne on your sheets. If she's in your bed, at least you'll know she's squirming in it.

GG