Hi Lissa and Wesse- I'm going to pull the book out again and read at least parts of it to see if I can really recommend it or not. I know it provided some insight to me at the time, including identifying some of the traits that women falling for these types of guys often have. It was a bit scarey to think of how I'd been involved pretty seriously with a couple of other passive aggressives and what I might have been searching to fulfill in parts of me.
I actually suggested to a good male friend of mine that he read the book when he was describing a pattern re. the women he was dating. He followed through and discovered some of his passive aggressive characteristics and the impact they've had on his relationships. We enjoyed a couple of dinners together, during which we discussed some specifics. I don't want to suggest that he's unique in his willingness to read the book, but I don't know many men who would read it as some type of learning experience. As I type this, I realize that if he and I had ever been romantically involved he probably would have bolted out the door throwing the book over his shoulder! Query also whether he's changed in his relationships.
Wesse, I'm with you, I've never really viewed it as an option to run from H because of his passive aggressiveness. I know my interaction with H has changed considerably and I can now see the passive aggressive instances coming from a mile away. I used to enable H's ways by blowing up and letting him point his finger at me for being out of control. Of course, the irony was that it was the fact that I was indeed exercising a form of control that I now know made him point his finger in the first place and take some jabs! I recall numerous examples of manipulation are noted and discussed in the book.
I now manage not to blow up and more often rather calmly look at him and ask for more information to help me understand the particular situation/discussion. He can't point the finger at me or withdraw quite as easily as before. I will not enable his withdrawls by giving him the out that I think he is implicitly looking for sometimes. It has been very difficult for me to drop the "cross-examination techniques" that worked so well and for so long professionally, but weakened things on the personal front with him.
On another note, Lissa, how's little Andy and life treating you? I know I read on Autumn's thread not that long ago that you were interviewing for different positions and exploring some new options at work. It's always great to hear from you. Hope all is well with you. Jamie
