Cally... I still haven't figured the whole dynamic out, but my H and I have the siamese twin syndrome thing going. When I am HD he is LD and vice-versa.
I know that when I am HD, even when it's not out real "out there" behavior, he can sense it and it puts pressure on him. When I am LD, it feels safer for him to go for it. The problem is I really don't want sex when I am LD. I comply because in the past I have rejected him and I feel bad about that.
What I have learned is that it's my responsibility to keep myself sensual, regardless of how this affects him. And I am figuring out subtle ways to express that sensuality without overwhelming him and triggering his performance anxiety issues. On his part, he is trying to push through his anxiety instead of blaming stuff on me.
I resent that he doesn't do anything to actively encourage me to be HD....there's no real interplay...I have to figure a lot out on my own.
