Hi Survivor 1 it sounds like you are doing a great job at DBing. GG has given you good advice and the same thing that I would tell you. Patience my dear you want him to decide to give up the apartment because he wants to and each day that you keep on doing what you are doing he is getting closer to that point. For me even when our therapist told me she thought it was time I put a little more pressure on my H to make a decision I told her I didn't want to do that. You see I only wanted him to decide to stay home if that is what he wanted. By that time I knew I would be fine no matter what he decided and he knew it too. That I am sure brought him closer to me. He admits that the reason he decided to stay was because of the way I reacted to the OW and the whole mess. I was lucky I found this site and GG and others before I had a chance to do a lot of the wrong things. For that I am very grateful.
I do recommend a good therapist recommended by Michele if possible. My H went at first because I told him I needed it to help me deal with everything. He was just there to tell the therapist that he was committed to someone else but didn't want to hurt me any more than he already had. She said she couldn't help us in joint therapy as long as we both wanted different outcomes. She suggested seperate sessions for a while. This scared me because I knew he was just going to go in there and say he wants out. But after a few days I realized that he needed someone to talk to in order to sort things out in his own mind and this would be our best chance to fix this mess. It took about 3 or 4 months of seperate sessions for my H to change his mind. Try to get your H to go to even seperate therapy if you can with a pro-marriage therapist.
We are doing well and OW has been out of the picture probably since his 3rd month in therapy however he didn't tell me that for a while later. When we decided with the therapist to discontinue the sessions H agreed to go to Retrouvaille at my request. We are going in July. I am hoping this weekend will help us rebuild our relationship. You see I still don't want to settle for so so marriage. After all of this garbage I had to deal with I want to make sure that H's moral compass is properly tuned and that he is somehow still the man I used to think he was before I found out he crossed the line.
I am rambling here but I do still have unresolved feelings. He just wants me to put it behind me and forget it. I am trying but it is going to take some time for me.
[This message has been edited by Johnswife (edited 05-16-2000).]
